In December Scenes
Unmolested snow glows pure
But night comes so soon
Oh the splendid grass
The only thing between me
and all of my dreams
In December Scenes
Unmolested snow glows pure
But night comes so soon
Oh the splendid grass
The only thing between me
and all of my dreams
Bump a WolfLarsen thread on every forum and then go in for a bit of haiku action? Nice.
J
The second one is solid, nice and simple and haiku. But the first one just does not jar with me - particuarly the word "unmolested" it just feels wrong, like an orphaned word.
The lucid simplicity of both haikus is admirable.
I must create a system, or be enslaved by another man's. ~ William Blake
Captivity is consciousness,
So's liberty. ~ Emily Dickinson
No I think you misinterpreted me, I like the first one, but the second one I think just doesnt work, as a poem. It may be about the downfall of innocence, which is a great theme, but just because the concept is good dosnt mean the execution is. As a concept it is solid, as a peom it is bad- it just doesnt work.
I find the second very beautiful! best to you, bar