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Thread: Friends...

  1. #1
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    Friends...

    On a round sky and a round earth
    In the long weeds and profound worth
    Of brown moles and sound mirth
    Of indifference and defined hearts
    You sing in one breath,
    I believe your song.

  2. #2

    Buckle up!

    Roar!

  3. #3
    running amok Sancho's Avatar
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    Splendid!
    Uhhhh...

  4. #4
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    I like it, yet i personally feel like it focused to heavily on rhyming, where i 'd wish it would be a little more simple.

    True depth in poems is realized through simpleness, rather than complexity.
    The simpler, the deeper.

    To be specific:
    I liked:
    "You sing in one breath,
    I believe your song. "
    I hated:
    "Of brown moles and sound mirth"

    The rest was okay.

    The end carries the power of lack of structure, lack of obedience, while the start feels like forced form.
    Last edited by Lamarq; 12-26-2011 at 11:58 PM.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sancho View Post
    Splendid!
    Thank you...

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lamarq View Post
    I like it, yet i personally feel like it focused to heavily on rhyming, where i 'd wish it would be a little more simple.

    True depth in poems is realized through simpleness, rather than complexity.
    The simpler, the deeper.

    To be specific:
    I liked:
    "You sing in one breath,
    I believe your song. "
    I hated:
    "Of brown moles and sound mirth"

    The rest was okay.

    The end carries the power of lack of structure, lack of obedience, while the start feels like forced form.
    I agree to most of what you have to say... especially "the simpler, the deeper" part...
    the "lack" of obedience and structure is something I engage in, for a feel of freedom ...
    however, I would like the phrase "forced form" to be explained as "form" interests me more than anything else...
    Thank you...

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