The Two Lovers

[Darcy88]

The two lovers lay in a warm close embrace. The ceiling their sky, the bed their world, and they the only two members of the human race. Limbs intertwined and sweat intermixed, their two bodies melted into one flesh.

"Mmmmmmm."

"Mmmm."

.............................................

Fingers clasped fingers and their combined body heat warmed the two lovers' cozy little nest. Still they were, two nestled coals glowing strong and bright, long after the fire's flickering flames had spent themselves, now smouldering soft and steady, enduring through the night.

Time stood still, as did the world outside. What of time? What of the world? Nothing, naught - zip. Only this love, only this moment, only each other. That was everything. That was all. Damn the rest.

.............................................

Michael's eyes opened at dawn's first tentative rays. He lay listening lazily to the song of the birds and the rhythm of his beloved's breath.

"David," he whispered, "I love you."

[Jack of Hearts]

Hey! That was intentional!

Anyways, this reader is feeling a bit shortchanged here. At first he wondered where this scene was going. And then it went there- it revealed the assumption that 'lovers' seems to more readily invoke male/female rather than male/male. You've pointed this out! But you should do something with it now, this reader thinks. Although he doesn't really like the gay genre, he does see the enormous possibility of doing something was the statement you've made.

Why does it matter? Is this just a quirk you wanted to point out? You've got a big chance here.








J

[Varenne Rodin]

It's a representation of love. It's beautiful.

[TeranikaSloane]

I don't think you need to add anything, I believe doing so will ruin the impact of the last sentence. Yes, the first few descriptions does bring to mind a heterosexual relationship but I think the brilliance in this is the fact it is about a gay couple and the realisation that what is going on between them can be interpreted as male/female just means one thing. We are all equal, there is no reason to discriminate.

[hillwalker]

An unexpected twist indeed - what starts as a Hallmark moment sickly enough to make ones gills turn green transforms into something that questions our stereotypical presumptions.

It's effective enough as it stands without further tinkering - but I'm hoping you've more tricks up your sleeve.

H

[Buh4Bee]

The title made me think of ancient Greek literature. Although the ending has a twist, that was not what struck me. I found it oddly sad. Something this intense is too good to be true. Yes, it's just a short piece, but it still struck a chord in my dear cold heart. It is nicely written and the subject is constructed tastefully as any detailed love scene should be. I think you should just call it Michel and David.

[Darcy88]

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I hadn't written anything in a long time, was having trouble with inspiration, so I decided to write about that feeling you get when you're holding the one you love, the greatest feeling I know of. But it needed a little something, so I made the two lovers two men, which is why its so short since this choice prohibited description, lest the twist be ruined.

It was fun, a little warm up, and now I feel ready to attempt something more substantial.

Thanks for reading and replying!

[Darcy88]

The title made me think of ancient Greek literature. Although the ending has a twist, that was not what struck me. I found it oddly sad. Something this intense is too good to be true. Yes, it's just a short piece, but it still struck a chord in my dear cold heart. It is nicely written and the subject is constructed tastefully as any detailed love scene should be. I think you should just call it Michel and David.

But that would ruin the twist buh4bee! I'm glad you like it though. Thanks for reading.

[Buh4Bee]

True enough.

[Little Gal]

I don't see a twist...I expect a "from him-to him" as naturally as the "from him-to her" stereotype
I only see the love meant...
something as strong as love is...
and something tells me, it won't easily get stale
so little said and everything said in it.

[Alexander III]

The prose has me mixed up. On one hand it flows really well and reading becomes easy which means it was written very well, but the content the beauty of the prose is missing, all the things you describe are incredibly cliche. And I suppose the gay thing was mean to make up for the cliche of it all, but the gay thing to me is not a big deal its just who you **** so there is nothing shocking to it to make up for the cliche descriptions.

[Alexander III]

An unexpected twist indeed - what starts as a Hallmark moment sickly enough to make ones gills turn green transforms into something that questions our stereotypical presumptions.

It's effective enough as it stands without further tinkering - but I'm hoping you've more tricks up your sleeve.

H

I think its probably a generation thing, for instance your generation sees the gay thing as shock or unconventional, for my generation being gay is as unconventional as being black; to wit there is nothing strange or unexpected about it.

[Darcy88]

The prose has me mixed up. On one hand it flows really well and reading becomes easy which means it was written very well, but the content the beauty of the prose is missing, all the things you describe are incredibly cliche. And I suppose the gay thing was mean to make up for the cliche of it all, but the gay thing to me is not a big deal its just who you **** so there is nothing shocking to it to make up for the cliche descriptions.

Many people do not share your understanding of same sex relationships. Homophobia is still rampant in many parts of the world. 90 percent of the people who read it imagined a man and a woman.

The paragraph which begins with "fingers clasped fingers...." is saccharine to a truly heinous degree and I cringe a little rereading it now, so I understand your point.

[princess1013]

In the beginning I was imagining a woman and a man, but at the end I was surprised to find it a man and a man, but nontheless I loved it. It was a very inviting read that keeps the readers wanting more. I could almost feel what you were saying and I could vividly imagine the story while reading it.

[xtianfriborg13]

I am amazed with this. The imagery, the feelings, the twist, the ending. Perfect.