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Thread: DocHeart's poetry corner

  1. #226
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Tongue Imbroglio
    Hey Dear Doc, it's been ages...

    Love your latest poem very much, its almost kabbalistic way of you being revealed by words (as if) independent of you, though coming from within you, as if an intuitive (female) voice whispering to you about you, sharing with you your life's unfolding (?), as words come, as the night progresses... So subtle.
    For me, "darkened" has its place in the line, as it enables the transformation and later provides an address to your call for "dear darkness" to tary...
    I'd too lose the final "on schedule", for it'd strengthen even more the ending which, for me at least, is not without reminding Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises," whether consciously or not...

    The poem is restrained (in description), but so generous through its freedom away from schedules and phonecalls!

    Thank you, I'll return to this one again.

    Last edited by Bar22do; 09-16-2014 at 06:16 PM.

  2. #227
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    At parts, this poetry is unbearably beautiful, to where your eyes have to peel from the lines as not to take too much in too quickly.

    Put the women down, Doc, and put new poems up.

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