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Thread: DocHeart's poetry corner

  1. #226
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    Hey Dear Doc, it's been ages...

    Love your latest poem very much, its almost kabbalistic way of you being revealed by words (as if) independent of you, though coming from within you, as if an intuitive (female) voice whispering to you about you, sharing with you your life's unfolding (?), as words come, as the night progresses... So subtle.
    For me, "darkened" has its place in the line, as it enables the transformation and later provides an address to your call for "dear darkness" to tary...
    I'd too lose the final "on schedule", for it'd strengthen even more the ending which, for me at least, is not without reminding Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises," whether consciously or not...

    The poem is restrained (in description), but so generous through its freedom away from schedules and phonecalls!

    Thank you, I'll return to this one again.

    Bar
    Last edited by Bar22do; 09-16-2014 at 06:16 PM.

  2. #227
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    At parts, this poetry is unbearably beautiful, to where your eyes have to peel from the lines as not to take too much in too quickly.

    Put the women down, Doc, and put new poems up.

  3. #228
    Justifiably inexcusable DocHeart's Avatar
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    To my mother

    Do I cry for you,
    Or for the Years?

    You know the Years I'm talking about.

    They danced past us,
    Barefoot on the beach
    And left us scorching in the sun
    Freezing in the snow.

    They were funny Years,
    Fast like escaping rabbits,
    Full of unspoken love
    And postponed embraces.
    They killed you
    And made me
    An attention whore
    On the Literature Network.

    Mother, I promise you,
    I weep not for the Years,
    But for me.
    I'm being selfish again,
    Just as I was when pestering you
    For another coin
    For the Space Invaders machine.

    Stay, wait for me.
    I've booked the first flight home.

    You've left now. Goodbye.
    We're smithereens in an explosion,
    And you went out before me,
    As one might have expected.

    When my sparkle too is extinguished
    I'll look for you in the ash.
    Should I find you, be ready:
    I'll beg you for your blessing once again.
    Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine...

  4. #229
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    You are here, Doc! And with this sublime poem... I dare not ask if it is a recent beverement. Your poetry defies Years, and this poem is a blessing you beg for...

    "When my sparkle too is extinguished
    I'll look for you in the ash"

    Thank you,

    Bar

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