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Thread: DocHeart's poetry corner

  1. #226
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    Hey Dear Doc, it's been ages...

    Love your latest poem very much, its almost kabbalistic way of you being revealed by words (as if) independent of you, though coming from within you, as if an intuitive (female) voice whispering to you about you, sharing with you your life's unfolding (?), as words come, as the night progresses... So subtle.
    For me, "darkened" has its place in the line, as it enables the transformation and later provides an address to your call for "dear darkness" to tary...
    I'd too lose the final "on schedule", for it'd strengthen even more the ending which, for me at least, is not without reminding Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises," whether consciously or not...

    The poem is restrained (in description), but so generous through its freedom away from schedules and phonecalls!

    Thank you, I'll return to this one again.

    Bar
    Last edited by Bar22do; 09-16-2014 at 06:16 PM.

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