Rough Draft

[Monamy]

Actually, I thought it was quite the piece. I couldn't imagine the scene as meaningful as it was without the Writer. Maybe because it's one stand-alone scene that it needs the Writer character to make things clear. But the moment Emily hugged the Writer... I assure you, you can't have the effects of that without a character such as the Writer in that little play.

To me, the Writer was a must-have. As he said, It's all invention. And the whole scene is about this little invention of his.

I've never seen such a role before in a play. Probably because I don't watch a lot of plays myself. But this is the first time I see such a character like the Writer, and I'm most astonished by the idea and the effects it had on me. I tried reading your work again while ignoring the Writer's lines and (maybe) give them to the second most-suited character. It just wasn't right. The freeze effect is also interesting, a moment of thought, a moment that shows the character's true thoughts in comparison with his/her actions and attitude (Darren for example.)

Wonderful, I really enjoyed those lines. I sure hope to read more.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

[DocHeart]

I'm a theatre lover and a frequent theatre goer, but I haven't had reason or opportunity to read a play since university. I'd like to thank you, dear Jack, for giving me a chance to remember what it's like. I had forgotten how much I love doing it - imagining the characters, trying to see the stage, guessing how each line might be delivered and the different kinds of impact it might have on the audience.

I think this is accomplished work. In their short time on stage, each character reveals much about who they are and how they feel - and what the dead man meant to them.

Darren is angry. We learn that his father was hard on him, and Darren is in no mood to forgive. Yet, he confesses to the Writer that he yearns for guidance. Perhaps Darren's anger is not directed at his father's strictness, but at the fact it will now be absent.


DARREN: It shouldn’t be. He isn’t worth what you’re putting yourself through. He’s gone, so what. One less *******.


But then, addressing the Writer:


DARREN: Well, now I have you. You know about all of this confusion.


And soon after this, Darren exits. But not before the Writer goes silent on him, making his perceived future lonely and devoid of the guide Darren so desperately needs.

Darren chose to see a substitute father in the Writer. Old Hal chooses to see death.


HAL: Everything goes away, dumbass. In time. People, the world, the starch in your drawers. My father kicked over. Their father kicked over. It should’ve been my turn. It’s a sad day that I’ve outlived my boy. A cruel fluke. But whatever the order, it’s right in the grand scheme of things.


Hal wants things set right. As the dead man's father, he feels a different kind of bereavement to that of the other character's. He feels that his being alive while his child is dead is unnatural. All the more reason, then, to welcome the Writer as death and share a drink with him. Similarly to Darren, however, Hal gets no assurances, no promises, and no real comfort:


HAL: Soon?

(WRITER gives no vocal confirmation; perhaps nods a little.)

HAL: It’s just that, the arthritis and what not… a little harder every day, you know.

WRITER: (After regarding him a long moment) With as sauced up as you are all the time, I doubt you feel a thing.


Luke is similar to Darren in lacking guidance. But while Darren seems frustrated by his general lack of direction, Luke appears to want to achieve one thing mainly: to replace the dead father in Emily's world. His care-giving is inadequate - "a hunk of processed meat", to quote Darren's cynical account of it. But Luke expects:


LUKE: I follow the rules. I’m a good person. I deserve her.

"I deserve her, so why won't you give her to me?" Luke says to the Writer what he might have wanted to say to the deceased father for a long time. Once again, the Writer declines to satisfy the character:

WRITER: Assuming that there are rules, and that you’re a good person for following them. And that ‘deserve’ means moral currency.


But with Emily, earlier on in the play, the Writer's reaction is different. There is touching, encouraged physical affection. Her wish to feel her father's touch once more is granted without her even requesting it directly. To everyone else's frustration, impatience or self-importance, the Writer responds coldly. But to Emily, who at least at this moment is only thinking about love, he gives comfort generously.

And this is probably my only criticism, dear Jack. I reckon Emily's encounter with the Writer could have come last rather than first. Granted you'd need to tinker with various bits here and there, but this restructuring would have made the Writer's closing monologue that much more powerful.

But this isn't to say that the message is lost, nor that the ending is unsatisfactory. The Writer's words are beautifully framed by Emily's last actions - the opening of the fridge and the discarding of the junk food. And his apology to "Em" (her father's favourite name to call her by?) is a very, very touching finale.

One final word (my goodness, it's nearly midnight already) - I'm glad to see you taking a rejection as "another experience under the old belt". It's the kind of reaction that someone with a healthy writing life should have.

Thanks for a great evening, pal.

DH

[Jack of Hearts]

A 'thank you' is in order here, to all of you. Thank you for reading and engaging with this. The idea that it can be this way gives great courage to go on, especially now, when the expression is getting intimate and risky.







J

[xtianfriborg13]

Ah well, don't get disheartened. If you believe strongly in what you have written it can be a salutary exercise sticking to your guns and facing criticism head on. All part of sharing work with one's peers. The secret is never to take it personally.

H

I fail to see things this way, you know, my being careless to what people think with what I did. I always fear criticism, but I'm trying to overcome it little by little.