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Thread: Werewolf short story . . . I know, shut up lol.

  1. #1
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    Aug 2011
    Alice Springs

    Werewolf short story . . . I know, shut up lol.

    Well I did this short story before I watched the twilight series, so werewolves were still seriously cool to me and still are in my own mind when twilight isn't involved or vampire diaries for that matter

    Anyway, please tell me what I can improve on. And what else could I use instead of the word "park" because it isn't much of a park how I envision it.

    Okay, here it is:

    Beast's Prey

    When Ivan awoke only faintly aware of his surroundings, he gave himself some time to clear his thoughts. He didn't know what had happened for him to have ended up like this and in a place he scarcely recognized. He also became vaguely aware of a distinct smell, but that wasn’t the first thing on his mind.

    As he tried to think back to the previous night, he found it hard to distinguish his nightmares from memory, but even still, some of it began to come back to him...

    He was on his way back to the dorm he was staying at in the University. He had been with his girlfriend Sasha at the time.
    His friend Sam had told him of a shortcut that went through some of the suburbs and led straight to the park not far from the University itself.

    “The park . . .”
    He began to recognize the place he had woken up in and as he picked himself up from the leafy soil he became aware of something more . . .
    “Christ!” Ivan gasped. He looked upon his blood soaked jeans in horror and only then did he realize that his shirt clung to him in bloody shreds.
    Ivan was unable to control the trembles that ran through his body.
    Oh God Sasha! He thought, what the hell happed last night?
    Desperately, he thought back, remembering his nightmares, only they hadn’t been nightmares after all. . .

    He was talking to Sarah as they walked through the park when something hard hit him side on sending him to the ground with an unbearable weight following the fall. He felt something clasp tightly around his neck. At first he was too stunned to act, but now he struggled desperately for breath, but it was hopeless. He could feel the death grip around his neck tighten and he was vaguely aware of bones popping. The jagged points cut deep into his flesh and warm blood oozed down his neck and face. Ivan heard distant cries not really as distant as they sounded. Abruptly, deaths strength released from around his neck and the weight grinding him to the ground vanished. He gasped and spluttered as his lungs filled with air, but the stars would not leave his vision and he was beyond disorientation. He could hear someone screaming and a rumble that vibrated through the ground. He forced his head off from the moist soil to the direction of the cries. At first he had trouble making out what it was before him, but even with his clouded vision he was able to see the monstrous creature. He then realized that the cries he had been hearing had came from Sasha. He could barely see her past the giant form of the lurking monster, but what he could see of her was enough. Tears and eye liner ran down her cheeks in streams and she wore an expression of pure dread, all blood had drained from her face leaving her white as chalk. Ivan managed to raise himself onto his knees and sit back on his heels, blood oozed from the wounds in his neck and his vision became momentarily hazy. He became aware of a burning sensation in his neck and chest and when he was able to see again, he realized he had fallen back over. He felt his arms and legs thrashing convulsively against the ground and became aware of a piercing wail. It took a moment to realize that the wail was his as the burning in his neck and chest became unbearable like a thousand blistering needles stabbing him from inside out. It worsened as it spread through him and again he was only vaguely aware of the sound of popping bones.

    Sasha sat in a mattered clump weeping. She almost expected the monster to return. She remembered that she was in a park, but had no idea where that was. She had trusted Ivan to know where they were. Desperately, she tried to push away the memories that had been gnawing at her . . .

    Sasha watched on in horror as the creature lurked towards her leaving Ivan to lay face down in a lifeless heap. She had been screaming so loud that her throat had become like sandpaper and the only sound that escaped her now was a hoarse whimper. Sasha scurried back as the monster closed in, but she didn’t dare take her eyes from it as she did. She felt the backside of her dress pull through a puddle as she dragged herself through the moist dirt. From the corner of her eye she saw that Ivan had risen onto his knees. It would have been a relieving sight had of blood not been spilling from his neck and drenching his shirt. Just as abruptly he fell down and began to thrash violently and released a gut wrenching wail snatching the beast attention from her. Now was her chance to escape, but as she got up to sprint, she saw something that stopped her in her tracks. Ivan was changing, though after a breif moment she wasn’t sure it was still Ivan. Rising from a crouch, what had been Ivan now stood almost as tall as the monster that had nearly killed him. Sasha was able to hear the popping of bones as he stood. Suddenly standing as tall as the beast, what had been Ivan; let out a thunderous roar as it covered ten paces in a single bound taking the other beast hunches from under it. She tried to leap back as they came crashing down towards her, but only had a split second to realize she wouldn’t make it before the beats weight knocked her unconscious . . .

    “Sasha . . .” said a hoarse voice.
    Sasha jumped to her feet whilst she turned to face the person, she had been crying so loud she hadn’t heard the persons approach.
    Ivan stood before her drenched in blood, but somehow without a single scratch. His blood soaked shirt clung to him in shreds.
    “Sasha, I-I thought that you were-” but before he could finish what he had been going to say, she threw herself at him and wrapped her arms around him while sobbing frantically into his chest. She felt him embrace her just as quickly and even more tightly. Never had she believed in myths or fairy-tales, but now no one could tell her what was real and what not. Not after her boyfriend had become one in itself. Not after he had become . . . a werewolf.
    Last edited by Plain&Simple; 10-28-2011 at 06:51 AM.

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