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Thread: Bibi

  1. #1
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    Bibi

    Habib Baby

    snuggling in the starry-light sunroom
    we silently engulfed ourselves in lovers trance
    passion was thick in the air
    as we nuzzled the aroma de la paix
    with your head so nicely in my lap
    I tenderly stroked your forehead
    brushing back you silken hair
    You were sick, and I your loving tender
    set forth to stroke your foxy locks to health
    and as you lay listening to my heartbeat
    I watched intently, keen on protecting
    you, mon amour,
    into infitinity
    Last edited by FozzieFunk; 10-23-2011 at 11:40 AM.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by FozzieFunk View Post
    Habib Baby

    passion was thick in the air
    ................................
    You were sick, and I your loving tender
    set forth to stroke your foxy locks to health
    Those lines are stirringly touching. It seems you are in live and this being the echo of what goes inside you.

    Deeply romantic. I enjoyed reading and of course this thirsts me for more.

  3. #3
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    I was in love, but I often find myself losing the things I love.. I have that kind of forgetful personality. My memories often tread slowly through my consciousness to remind me of what I had. when you say you thirst for more, do you think the poem should be extended?

  4. #4
    Registered User virginiawang's Avatar
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    To imagine that one was in love can oftentime led to the creation of such a work of poem, which does not make sense at all. It does not hurt the object of the poem at all, because love never existed for either the writer of this poem, or its objest, I think personly, but honestly. foxy locks? It ridiculed the fake love more than one can ever know.
    Last edited by virginiawang; 10-24-2011 at 12:19 PM.

  5. #5
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    I'm not one for poems with cliches but you combined these lines with a fruitful touch and struck a balance that didn't make me cringe and allowed me to appreciate the sense of loss underlying the poem.

    Well done.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  6. #6
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    I'll admit, love poems are cliche.. but I wrote this while drunk at 5 in the morning after suddenly becoming enraged with inspiration. Virginia, I wish you'd offer constructive criticism. I didn't post this to inflate my ego, I want honest well thought out suggestions. My love was very true.. and to this day I still feel it. It was a unfortunate situation.

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