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Thread: Opinions from all the experts here needed and welcomed badly, now.

  1. #1
    Registered User virginiawang's Avatar
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    Opinions from all the experts here needed and welcomed badly, now.

    Please read the two versions of the same text and offer me your opinions about how the works of translation were done. Please do not say both are fine. Please be honest.
    The First One.

    A List of Headlines

    ~The Latest News of the Glass Industry in Taiwan

    ~A Disclosure of the Trends of Glass Craft during the Fall and Winter of 2011

    ~A sense of environmental protection was infused into art, and the art of glass craft, which has been predominant among all forms of art.

    ~People are wrong when they say tourism does not concern a culture.

    The Latest Topics

    ~An Immediate Glance Through Glass Gift Shops in Taiwan

    ~Hong Kong Mega Show Part 1

    ~To Trace the Trends of Glass Craft

    ~A pamphlet lists off a collection of glass artifacts that will be created in the fall and winter of 2011.

    ~A sense of environmental protection was infused into the glass industry of Taiwan, which has become a form of art lately.

    International Viewpoints

    ~The glass industry of Taiwan is looking forward to launching itself into the world.

    ~A pamphlet lists off some famous artists who create glass artifacts in Taiwan.

    ~A trip that explores all the glass gift shops in Taiwan, proves the fact that to travel is art.
    (To Trace the Trends of Glass Craft
    A pamphlet lists off a collection of glass artifacts that will be created in the fall and winter of 2011. A sense of environmental protection was infused into the glass industry of Taiwan, which has become a form of art lately.) (I have no idea why this paragraph repeats.)

    Fashion and trends have their impacts not only on some related businesses, but also on fields like interior design, embroidery on furniture, packaging, ways to lie goods on shelves, and a purchase in a department store, etc, and all of the fields I mentioned vary to a certain degree with fashion and trends in colors displayed, materials adopted, and contours shown. When one does a purchase, he/ she not only has esthetic and design concerns in mind, but is more often than not guided by trends and fashion. Therefore to learn trends and fashion on the part of a businessman is always needed, to make a product sell. The trends and fashion prevalent in the fall and winter of 2011 speak too much for glass, for its qualities and appearances, and explain the reasons why the industry of glass flourished lately in Taiwan.
    Human beings are once more beckoned to nature with an awareness of protecting its environment, because of some of the issues like climate change, endangered species and the terrible effects on human life for a polluted earth. Therefore nature and environmental protection enter the mainstream of art. Artists prefer lines and contours that go smoothly rather than curve radically, in making glass. As to the choice of colors, they split into two groups, one of which prefer bright and shiny colors that render glass works an optimistic message, whereas the other one always adopt the two colors, black and white, to express their sadness for a damaged earth, by their works of glass.
    The art of glass in Taiwan evokes a good memory of the past in a time when the earth was still undamaged, by infusing several of the ideas into itself, and the ideas include the multitudinous animals, plants and flowers, and a mystical change of nature. Glass artists, who work with these ideas in their mind almost always create works that connote a return back to nature.
    When one looks into a glass, he/ she can see his/ her face, though vaguely in the glass. It speaks of an occult conversation led by the glass holder and the glass itself, in just one moment, when a look is directed into the glass casually. People are thus led to think more about glass, its qualities and ways to create it into different art works.
    The reasons that explain why glass has become a dominant role in several of the industries are: first, it contains Si for the most part that makes it recyclable, and at the same time beneficial to a good environment. Lately, it became an ingredient in several of the following products—solar energy board, 3C touch panel, wafer, and security milk bottle, etc.
    Glass, a translucent conductor of heat and electricity, played a role in the fields of science and technology, which were closely related to our life. Glass, as a result really enters our life, more than it ever did. By the way, how to eat well has become one of the most discussed topics lately that made people more aware of the containers they used to hold food stuff, and glass, a choice beneficial to natural environment, though it breaks easily, became prevalent in the production of containers.
    Several decades ago, the industry of glass in Taiwan had once undergone a tremendous transformation. Likewise, it undergoes a transformation now, to fit into the huge market of glass around the globe in the 21st century, and the transformation can best be described by the three following typical examples—an infusion of a sense of environmental protection into the industry, the recycling of glass products, and an expansion of the industry into the field of science.
    Glass artists, after they made some efforts to create works that were in one way or another more fitted to the international market, now feel an yearning to create glass works that speak for Taiwan itself, its culture, and everything Taiwan, for a return back to their inner selves.

    The Latest Topics

    Mega Show part 1 will mark the opening of a Taiwan glass gift shop in Hong Kong.

    By looking keenly into a beautiful glass work from Taiwan, in that show, one thinks of the dark night and all its serenity in Hong Kong. The gift shop is located on the fifth floor of Mega Show Part 1. It will exhibit for the first time in Asia, the top eight preferred choices of gifts made by Chinese people worldwide. You cannot miss the chance to get a close view into the shop, if you want to learn more about ways to send the most appropriate gift, without spending too much of your money.
    The glass works displayed in this show will be some of the most typical works created in Taiwan that represent the culture of Taiwan by their unique designs, which will make the works stand out among the rest of the works from the other countries without fail. What makes them even more attractive is the fact that each of the works has a story to go along with itself, and people do think and appreciate the works more, for the stories behind them.
    No matter who the receiver is, a westerner or a Chinese, a glass gift works perfectly. For a Chinese, a glass gift corresponds to the Chinese culture in subtle ways that almost always lead him/her to a genuine smile. For a westerner who receives a glass gift, he/ she will love it for its uniqueness, without hesitation.
    Glass resembles jewelry in a sense, so a gift of glass artifact has always been considered very valuable. It speaks perfectly for the sincere wishes of a gift sender, and at the same time, the importance of the receiver, in the eyes of the sender. It really proves the fact that to choose the best gift, does in one way or another improve one’s relationship with people.
    A great many Taiwanese glass artists will reach Hong Kong for this show, to attend an activity held for them by the name of “A Night for Taiwan Glass” It will be held in Central Plaza by Kwang Hwa Information and Culture Center on the 20th of October. People who participate in this activity will be expected to learn the infusion of a sense of environmental protection into the art of glass in recent years, and the latest trends of the glass art in the fall and winter of 2011. Perhaps they will also, to their surprise, get a chance to watch those professionals work, then and there, for the creation of a glass artifact. “A Night for Taiwan Glass” presents some of the most unique works from Taiwan that stand out from the rest of the works in Mega Show and render people all the beauty of a night in Hong Kong, when the bewitching power of a brilliant city comes over them, during the night.
    However, only a limited number of people can participate, and for those interested in this activity, they have to go to the gift shop on the fifth flood of Mega Show, to learn the details.

    The Second One

    Title List


    Taiwan Glass News

    2011 F / W Glass artworks fashion trend
    Art is blowing green wind ~ Glass is the principle

    A proven record is driving those who deny tourism is not a cultural business.

    Latest topics
    Taiwan Glass and Gift Gallery‧Preview
    Hong Kong Mega Show Part1

    Fashion tracks
    2011 F/W Glass artworks special edition
    Taiwan Glass New Green Art

    International perspective
    Taiwan Glass to the world


    Taiwan Glass masters record


    Taiwan Glass Artworks Tour
    Tourism is also very artistic

    Fashion tracks
    2011 F/W Glass artworks special edition
    Taiwan Glass Green Art

    Fashion trends impact not only in its related industries, but also interior decoration, furniture fabrics, display packaging, merchandise products, etc. Color, texture, lines, etc. will change in accordance with different fashion trends.
    For consumers, selecting goods, especially with the aesthetic and design-related merchandise, will also be influenced by fashion trends, so the trend in line with product development is an important factor to grasp business opportunities.
    2011/2012 fall and winter fashion trends, just is similar to "glass" characteristics and echo the "glass" industry increasingly important trend in recent years.

    Climate change, species crisis, the Earth bite back, all awaken mankind to return to the nature, and pay attention to environmental protection. Therefore, natural materials, environmentally friendly materials become the mainstream. For lines and the contour lines, it focus on natural straight line and arc, rather than exaggeration methods. As for color, there are two extremely directions, one is regarded sun shining and transparent color as the mainstream to face the future with hope; another focus on no color - black and white, mainly highlight the destruction of Earth's ecological grief.

    Taiwan glass artworks also show nature of introspection, from biology, from flowers and plants, and even the changing scenery. Through the glass vivid techniques and interpretation of human beings, we try to evoke memories of past golden years.
    In watching at the same time, due to the glass material properties, just reflects the watcher's appearance, at this casual moment, the watcher not only opens a dialogue with the artwork, but also touches more thought and introspection.

    In recent years, "Glass" have become the protagonist and the soul among many industries, such as solar panels, 3C products Touch panels, wafers, safety bottles, etc. The reason is that "glass" was a natural material, made from natural silica sand, and recycled instead of causing harm and burden to the Earth, is extremely environmentally friendly material.
    The "glass" itself transmission and conduction characteristics, it has very high usage and becoming important raw materials in IT industry. In modern times, human beings are so dependent on science and technology, the glass is closely related between you and me.
    In particular, food safety is the major issue in recent years, more people began to care about the safety of food containers. Glass is fragile, under consideration of safety, we all agree and recognize to adopt natural materials.

    A few decades ago, Taiwan Glass Industry had experienced significant transformation in response to market competition,
    the glass industry in Taiwan moved toward the improvement of environmental processes, focused on recycling of glass, high-tech glass research and development and other market operations, was able to played one important role in glass global market in the 21st century, when environment become significant in modern times.

    Taiwan glass masters return to their own land after experiencing to learn from the international stage, to regain the bud of Taiwanese culture rooted in the hearts, use their own design vocabulary to create art works belonging to the spirit of Taiwan.
    Latest topics
    Taiwan Glass and Gifts Gallery is opening in Mega Show Part1
    Beauty of Taiwan Glass reflect gorgeous night scene in Hong Kong

    Taiwan Glass and Gifts Gallery had wonderful display in Mega Show Part1 5F
    First exhibition in Asia, "Chinese favorite Gift Top 8"
    If you want to send appropriate and affordable gifts, you cannot miss Taiwan Glass and Gifts Gallery.

    The beautiful glass are the most prominent representative artworks in Taiwan's glass industry, and they merge Taiwan culture into the design, unique style, obviously different from products in other countries, especially rich in the meaning of the story, and each artwork is worth watching.

    Whether the gifts receiver is Chinese or Westerners, the glass artworks which is endowed with Taiwan gift culture, not only meet the preferences of Chinese customs, but also have unique characteristics of fresh gift for Westerners!

    Like jewelry and crystal texture, adding Taiwan's glass artworks esteem value, not only express much kindness of the giver, but also show receiver’s role, both are delighted. Selecting the right gift is good for your interpersonal relationship!

    Many Taiwan glass masters take advantage of this exhibition opportunity to Hong Kong, and therefore, arrange special event for "Taiwan Glass Night" which will be held at Kwang Hwa Information and Cultural Centre of Central Plaza on October 20 night. Will share the "glass" benefits of environmental characteristics, as well as fall and winter of 2011 glass artworks trends, and may even be witnessed live demonstrations of glass making master.

    This event "Taiwan Glass Night", will show glass artworks different from the Mega Show live demonstration. With gorgeous night scene in Hong Kong, and give us a good night full of arts.

    "Taiwan Glass Night" has limited seats, those who are interested please contact Mega Show 5F " Taiwan Glass and Gifts Gallery ".

  2. #2
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    As an impartial, English speaker, rather than an ‘expert’ these both make for difficult reading. They have obviously been translated by someone for whom English is at best a second language and unfortunately neither do justice to what is supposedly an important cultural event.

    The first piece is the worst of the two by far. It suffers from what appears to be an over-literal translation of certain phrases since there’s a lot of it that makes very little sense. There are also many basic errors of grammar and expression that detract from what the writer was trying to convey.

    The second is a little more easy to follow – displaying a more direct, contemporary (dare I say Westernised) style – but it also eventually becomes littered with too many errors.

    I'm afraid that neither piece would be considered fit for publication in the UK (or presumably USA) without a major rewrite.

    H

  3. #3
    Registered User virginiawang's Avatar
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    To the last poster: Why not point out some of those you think you can write in a better style, and challenge me, the writer of the first one, so that all of us here can judge and compare yours with mine? Perhaps you do have a better command of the English language as a native speaker because you spoke since you were born. However you did not read as much as I did over the years. I am sorry for being direct. To judge from the post submitted above, I learned the fact sadly. Therefore I would suggest you to search more from literature or encyclopedia about ways to express properly some of those ideas you presented, before you posted here, to criticise mine, or otherwise it becomes a laughing stock by its mere presence here.

    Quote Originally Posted by hillwalker View Post
    As an impartial, English speaker, rather than an ‘expert’ these both make for difficult reading. They have obviously been translated by someone for whom English is at best a second language and unfortunately neither do justice to what is supposedly an important cultural event.

    The first piece is the worst of the two by far. It suffers from what appears to be an over-literal translation of certain phrases since there’s a lot of it that makes very little sense. There are also many basic errors of grammar and expression that detract from what the writer was trying to convey.

    The second is a little more easy to follow – displaying a more direct, contemporary (dare I say Westernised) style – but it also eventually becomes littered with too many errors.

    I'm afraid that neither piece would be considered fit for publication in the UK (or presumably USA) without a major rewrite.

    H
    I rewrote your post just now. Please enjoy when you compare yours with mine, with all the forum members here. I wonder how you've learned so much about a UK publisher, and its standards for allowing one of the books to be published. Are you a published writer? To my surprise, you can read the mind of the writer who wrote the Chinese original. It is a miracle.
    It is a lesson for you. You must respect my writing.


    I experienced a hard time reading both of the versions, and was led to the conclusion just a moment ago that both writers learned English later on in their lives as a second language. Neither of the two presented an expertise in the English language, and sullied the magnificent event that corresponds to the Chinese culture, against their will, almost too sadly in a sense.
    The first one is the worst piece of all translation works I’ve ever read in my life, because as far as I can guess, since I did not have a chance to read the original Chinese text, it was translated in a way that marks a fashion called, word for word translation. It does not make sense in many of its descriptions, apart from the great deal of grammatical errors and unrefined expressions that took the essence away from the original Chinese text.
    Luckliy, I found the second version to be somewhat better, because I read it with ease. It is direct, to the point, and up to date in its language. I can say it is closer to a western mind, though it has too many mistakes, as far as I can tell.
    I am sorry for being rather blunt in presenting the harsh reality about the two works, that neither of the two reached the standard of a UK publisher when he/she decides for the works to be published. Both need to be rewritten.

  4. #4
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    I have taken the trouble to edit the first piece (the one you now admit you wrote) so that it reads more like conventional English. But I have stuck closely to your version since that is presumably a direct translation. The dry, rather pedestrian style, is therefore due to the quality of the original piece I'm guessing.

    Revised

    Taiwan Glass News

    2011 F / W : Glass artworks fashion trends

    ‘Art is turning green ~ Glass is the principle’

    ~The Latest News of the Glass Industry in Taiwan :

    ~A Summary of Trends in Glass Craft during the Fall and Winter of 2011.

    ~How the art of glass craft is interacting with issues of environmental protection.

    ~ Proof that those who say tourism is not a cultural business are misguided.

    The Latest Topics

    ~ Glass Gift Shops in Taiwan

    ~ Hong Kong Mega Show Part 1

    ~ Tracing the Trends of Glass Craft

    ~ A pamphlet listing a collection of glass artifacts that will be created in the fall and winter of 2011.

    ~ How environmental protection is being supported by the glass art and industry of Taiwan.

    International Viewpoints

    ~The glass industry of Taiwan is looking forward to being launched on the world.

    ~ A pamphlet listing some of the famous artists who create glass artifacts in Taiwan.

    ~ A journey exploring the glass gift shops in Taiwan, proves that art travels well.

    (To Trace the Trends of Glass Craft)

    Fashion and trends impact not only upon certain business but also on fields like interior design, embroidery on furniture, packaging, display, and department store sales, etc. They vary to a certain degree as fashion and trends change; influencing the colors displayed, materials utilised, and shapes adopted. Prospective purchasers not only have esthetic and design concerns in mind, but are more often than not guided by trends and fashion. Therefore businessmen need to learn trends and fashion in order to encourage sales.

    The trends and fashion prevalent in the fall and winter of 2011 promote glass; for its qualities and appearance. This explains why the glass industry has flourished in Taiwan of late.

    Human beings once more are aware of the importance of sustaining the integrity of the natural world. The environment is in need of protection because of some of the issues like climate change, endangered species and the effects of a polluted earth on our survival.
    Therefore nature and environmental protection enter mainstream art. Artists prefer lines and contours that run smoothly rather than curve radically, in making glass. As to the choice of colors, there is a two-way split; one group might prefer bright, glossy colors whereby the glass work presents an optimistic message, whereas the other group always adopts the two colors in their glass, black and white, to express their sadness for a damaged earth.

    The art of glass in Taiwan evokes pleasant memories of the past; a time when the earth was largely undamaged. It does this by infusing several ideas from animals, plants and flowers as well as the mystical changes of nature. Glass artists, who work with these ideas in their mind almost always create works that connote a return to nature.
    When one looks into a glass object one can see one’s face vaguely in the glass. This suggests an occult conversation between the glass holder and the glass itself. This happens in a single moment, when a look is directed into the glass casually. People are thus led to think more about glass, its qualities and ways to create it into different art works.

    Glass has become a dominant role in several industries because it contains Silicon for the most part that is recyclable, and at the same time beneficial to the environment. Recently, glass has become an ingredient in several of the following products — solar energy boards, 3C touch panels, [wafers????] circuit boards and milk bottles, etc.
    Glass, a translucent conductor of heat and electricity, has long played a role in the fields of science and technology which are closely related to our life. Consequently it continues to play an important role in our life. Incidentally, eating healthily has become one of the most discussed topics lately that made people more aware of the containers they used to hold food stuff. Choosing glass is beneficial to the environment, though it breaks easily, and it has become prevalent in the production of containers.

    The glass industry in Taiwan underwent a tremendous transformation some decades ago. Similarly, it is undergoing a transformation now to adapt to the huge global market for glass in the 21st century. This transformation can best be described by the three following typical examples
    - an awareness for environmental protection within the industry
    - the recycling of glass products
    - and an expansion of the industry into the field of science.

    Glass artists, after attempting to create works more fitting for the international market, now yearn to create works from glass that speak for Taiwan itself, its culture, and everything Taiwanese that provides some inner reflection.

    The Latest Topics

    Mega Show part 1 will mark the opening of a Taiwan glass gift shop in Hong Kong.

    By looking carefully at the beautiful glassware from Taiwan, on display in that show, one thinks of the dark night and all its serenity in Hong Kong. The gift shop is located on the fifth floor of Mega Show Part 1. It will exhibit for the first time in Asia, the eight most popular choices for gifts made by Chinese people worldwide. You must not miss the opportunity to take a closer view at the shop if you are looking for an appropriate gift without spending too much of your money.

    The items of glassware displayed in this show typify most of the work created in Taiwan; representing the culture of Taiwan in their unique designs, making them undoubtedly stand out among work from the other countries. What makes them even more attractive is the fact that each of the pieces has a story behind it. People are more appreciative of works that have some history behind them.

    No matter who the recipient is, a westerner or a Chinese, a glass gift works perfectly. For a Chinese, a glass gift corresponds to the Chinese culture in subtle ways that almost always leads to a genuine smile. For a westerner who receives a glass gift, its uniqueness will be appreciated without hesitation.

    Glass resembles jewelry in a sense; gifts made of glass are always considered very valuable. It can characterise the sincere wishes of the sender, and at the same time, the importance of the recipient in the eyes of the sender. It really proves that choosing the best gift in one way or another improves one’s relationship with people.

    A great many Taiwanese glass artists are attending Hong Kong for this show; an activity held on their behalf called “A Night for Taiwan Glass” It will be held in Central Plaza by Kwang Hwa Information and Culture Center on the 20th of October. People who attend will learn the importance of environmental protection in recent years through the art of glass as well as the latest trends in the art of glass in the fall and winter of 2011. Perhaps they will also, to their surprise, get a chance to watch those professionals working to create a glass artifact. “A Night for Taiwan Glass” presents some of the most unique works from Taiwan that stand out from the rest of the works in Mega Show. It should also demonstrate all the beauty of Hong Kong itself when the bewitching power of a brilliant city at night can overcome them.

    However, attendance will be limited to a select few and for those interested they should visit the gift shop on the fifth flood of Mega Show, to learn more details.
    I was not trying to ridicule your command of English - merely point out that your writing falls short of what most people would consider fluent.

    Searching literature and encyclopaedias for a better way to inform you that the pieces you posted lack a certain quality is not going to alter the fact that they are flawed.

    As for saying you are better read than me - is that true, or even remotely relevant? You asked for an honest opinion from someone who speaks and writes English and that is what I gave.

    H

  5. #5
    Registered User virginiawang's Avatar
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    Far from attempting to depreciate your command of English, I addressed a sincere wish to point out rather bluntly some of the mistakes you’ve made that made your work not readable by most of its readers. They simply experienced a hard time reading it.
    I must tell you honestly the fact that literature and encyclopedia do not inform its readers on how they should write and read, perfectly, and it can never alter the fact that a work was done terribly. ( the sentence written by the last poster escaped my knowledge of the English language, as to what it really meant to address.)
    Is it really true that your rewritten work is better than my original one? I doubt its veracity, and I will leave the work of making a judgment to all the experts here in this forum, if it ever claims to be somewhat worthy of discussion.
    You want to draw some sincere opinions about the two works you gave, from people here who read and write professionally. I obeyed your wish without demur, when I posted above.


    More punishment above. Why didn't you compare yours with mine and learn it better, before you make more of your jokes? All the members here can read with their experience of reading. Perhaps you cannot tell the difference between yours and mine?

    I rewrote the posts submitted above. Please read and enjoy.

    I have tried my best against my wish to edit the first version, which you just admitted to have written, to make it more readable for people who speak and write English on a regular basis. However I really experienced a hard time reading your translated work and was led to a conclusion before I struggled till the end. I guess it was translated word for word from its Chinese original, which, I assume boldly, has too much of its style the way a book talks. It is bookish, to the utmost. Perhpas it was not due to your problems of commanding the English language that led you to the creation of such a work, if the original Chinese text had forced you on a path against your wish?

    Sorry, you didn't edit anything from my work except the title, which became rather funny after your adjustment. You marked out the word wafer with a great deal of question marks to tell all the readers here, the fact that you do not know the word? funny?

    Do not make yourself the topic of a joke.

  6. #6
    Pièce de Résistance Scheherazade's Avatar
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    Unless you are willing to receive criticism, as well as positive feedback,

    please refrain from posting your work and asking for opinions of others in a public forum.
    ~
    "It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
    ~


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