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Thread: The Loser

  1. #1
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    The Loser

    He just wants to feel loved, poor dear,
    but even though his heart may ache
    he hasnít shed a single tear
    over whatís-her-name,
    his latest failure.
    He just feels sad,
    forever feeling bad about the girl
    and being just a little mad about the girl
    who populates his thoughts and just wonít go away.

    Heís better off alone, he knows;
    after all, itís what experience shows
    to those who read the signs.
    But, perception of affection is addictive
    to a man who grasps at straws,
    although apparently,
    she canít have been the last.
    Perhaps he didnít care enough
    or she just didnít have the knack.
    Anyway, no matter Ė

    Aging in obscurity heíll carry on;
    maybe growing just a little fatter,
    picking bits of batter off his fish on Friday nights.
    Then heíll watch some star-lit dreams;
    trying to conceive excuses,
    any means that introduces
    Michelle Pfeiffer -
    just like any lifer in the nick.
    But not of time, for his is running out,
    and he should be resigned now to his fate.
    For him, itís just too late.

  2. #2
    Miaaow! Twota's Avatar
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    Jun 2011
    Captivated in a foul vessel.
    I like it alot, i am a loser, kinda xD
    Cats love literature, they purr sonnets that humans can't comprehend. *Purrs*

  3. #3
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    This reminded me of a cartoon I once saw. A guy is at a tattoo parlour getting Born Loser inked onto his chest and the tattooist spells it Looser and says 'Gee I'm really sorry' to which the guy replies 'don't worry about it buddy'

    Very evocative and I especially enjoy your play on rhymes.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  4. #4
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    I agree, the play on rhymes was fun but I somewhat hope for at least one word of empathy for this guy... felt you were setting us up for that.

  5. #5
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    Among letters marked with stress
    Were the narrator a woman, I'd read these words as slightly pitiless; but to me it feels (but I may err) the narrator is a man (whether the poet is a woman or a man) and then it reads full of self-pity. Strange, isn't it.
    I understand she ran away in time, it must have offended her to have sensed that for him she was merely a "straw he grasped at", a last opportunity... or that she was only a "what's her name, a thingy", as at least the narrator relates the guy's thoughts.
    And how unproductive (!!!) that the guy's future occupation should be limited to "conceiving excuses" instead of shaking himself, daring to see himself, changing, then repairing the wrong? But well, it's a poem about a loser, therefore all is consistent, isn't it.
    An involving poem indeed, and one well crafted, H, except that I'm not very happy with some of your rhymes' play (flatter/batter), though who am I to critique. Thanks for sharing your poem. D.

  6. #6
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    Twota: Thanks for reading and for liking, though I'm at a loss to interpret the significance of 490 in roman numerals

    Delta: LOL- I like the joke and thanks for enjoying the wordplay.

    PM: Evening your Grace - As concieved the narrator rather lacks empathy, I think. She, for it is a she, conducts her judgemental monologue from an unassailable position of absolute certainty, deduced from miniscule clues imperfectly understood. I, on the other hand, as the author, was just having fun with the idea.

    Doralace: As you will see from my response to the noble Myshkin, the narrator is female - and misinformed. Her character is based on the idea of a commedic back-garden gossip - the type portrayed by the late, great Les Dawson (probably a peculiarly English creation). It is she who refers to 'The lost love' as "thingy" and "what's-her-name" because she can't remember, and probably never knew, her identity in the first place - any more than she really knows the subject of her monologue. To the narrator, the subject is 'pathetic' and the eponymous 'Loser'. We don't know how or what he feels as he has not been given a voice.

    You misinterpret the remark about 'conceiving excuses' which actually refers to the reason why he watches films, (star-lit dreams) just to see Michelle Pfeiffer, and what man wouldn't - lol.

    The Fatter-Batter rhyme refers to a lonely fish and chip supper in front of the TV, by the way, again, possibly a rather English image, so indeed, who are you to critique? - lol. A rose by any other name, perhaps.

    Oh, Chippendale, Chippendale,
    wherefore art thou Chippendale?
    A chair by any other name would be a seat.

    Anyway, I am sincerely glad you enjoyed it. Live long and prosper - H
    Last edited by Hawkman; 07-15-2011 at 07:46 PM. Reason: typos

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