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Thread: The Dance of the Souls

  1. #1
    Gotta pen? Dr.reid_16's Avatar
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    Jun 2011
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    The Dance of the Souls

    The dance of souls - let me know what you think! (:

    Sweat grasped your skin,
    and your bodies contorted in sweet agony.
    The dance of conceiving souls began.
    Combined as one.
    With her breath on your neck,
    and her hair spread around you.
    Shaking gestures, were soft, poised, and delicate.
    Stretch across your platform of comfort,
    and love, hold her in your arms and squeeze with love.
    Tears flowed over your face,
    the experience of your souls together as one,
    is an overwhelming experience.
    As the dance concluded,
    your souls returned to their rightful owner.
    Your life goes on,
    yet life is not the same.
    "Where's your will to be weird?" - Jim Morrison

  2. #2
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Dec 2008
    Fremantle Western Australia
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    I am confused over the narration between you, your and her which forces me to ask: who is spinning this poem?

    May I suggest you simply write about the interweaving souls dance so that it shows that out of body experience which you seem to be aiming for.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

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