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Thread: The Little Red House, The Little White House - for Biggus

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    The Little Red House, The Little White House - for Biggus

    erased
    Last edited by Doralace; 07-27-2011 at 05:20 PM.

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    Is there no one (except PrinceMishkin) to comment, advise on that? to tell this poem's weaknesses or/and see its strengths?
    Does it mean: UNwelcome on this forum?

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    Dolorace, it's certainly not a case of your being unwelcome on this forum. You certainly have something to say on this subject but if I may suggest, you have done so at too great a length. The enormity of the subject, you may feel, warrants almost untamed, rambling expression, but in this instance, less is definately more, at least poetically speaking.

    There is some powerful imagery buried in this poem, like the signs of winter, the birch trees, the bird song and the ghosts and of course the huts, neither of which still stand (or so I'm led to believe). They exist now only in memory like the victims.

    By all means, revisit this poem, but pare it down, tune it and refine it to exquisite poignancy.

    Live and be well - H

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    It's not a case of being welcome or unwelcome on here.

    I'm guessing most readers feel too uncomfortable to comment on a poem written on this topic that seems to bear witness so closely to the events described. Any positive response is a futile nod of the head - any criticism could be taken as disrespectful to the memory of what really took place.

    I also found the title a little too personal - perhaps Biggus is the one who should be providing meaningful feedback.

    H

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    Thanks for your reaction.
    I first posted this poem in connection with Biggus's, but then thought the best way to improve it (I'm aware of its shortcomings) would be to get a feedback (like you all do) from folks, especially from those more experienced than myself. That never came, until I asked again, wondering why it was so. I understand the subject is huge and delicate (plus I'm personally concerned as third generation), but still, it can be workshopped! Alright then, I'll trim the poem as can.
    By the way, the title has nothing personal. The sad reality is these were the precise names for the two gas chambers in Birkenau.
    And the huts are there till today, too. It's a memorial, whatever was found at the camp liberation has been preserved for memory.

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    Certainly some of the 'accommodation' blocks survive and are incorporated in the museum/memorial but the little red hut, a converted farmhouse used as a gas chamber, was dismantled by the Nazis in 1943 and the sight ploughed over to destroy evidence. The little white hut or house, ceased to be used in 43 after the construction of purpose-built 'facilities'. However, it was put back into operation later. I may be mistaken as to whether the white house has been preserved, but I was under the impression it too had been demolished.

    The TV program, 'The Nazis, A Warning From History' is my initial source, but Wikipedia and several other related websites, all agree that the red house was demolished in 43. I have not been able to confirm that the white house was also destroyed.

    H

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    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    A sensitive poet (imagine).

    Forgive me for not posting earlier. I had read - and enjoyed and, yes, found your poem personal (to Biggus) and a bit overwhelming for my gentle sensibilities.

    I try to read every poem posted - which takes a lot of time, ie: my lips move when I read, and leaves me even less time for making a comment or critique. (I have a goal to read many poems I missed when I took a sabbatical from the forums that now date between 2/19/2011 and 11/25/2010).

    Best wishes,
    and looking forward to more of your poems,
    tailor STATELY
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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    Thanks tS. I understand this poem needs work and control. Feedback helps, goes without saying, and encourages revision.
    I must have presented my poem clumsily, it was certainly not written in reaction to Biggus's (mine is an old attempt at dealing with the subject) or for him, just dedicated to him following his touching reminder.
    H., I live approx 30 kms from Auschwitz and go there often. Take a "virtual tour" through Brzezinka to find barracks, still standing and haunting. If this too isn't convincing, go for a trip to Poland to see for yourself.

    Thank you. Warm greetings.

    P.S. tS, I appreciate your commitment to reading and commenting the poems, and understand that their very number makes it impossible to review them all. Thanks for your explanation.
    Last edited by Doralace; 06-09-2011 at 08:17 AM. Reason: adding PS

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    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    It is definitely a sensitive poem and you capture so much that it is intense reading. That is not a criticism btw. You obviously have a fertile imagination and the power to let it run free. When it does, it can rob you of what truly lies underneath (although I am saying this based on my own experience).

    I hope to visit Auschwitz one day and the way you embed its horror in natures continuing cycle is powerful indeed.

    Look forward to more and like everyone else has said, you are a welcome member!
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

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    Thank you, Delta, for venturing to my meager archives and retrieving this! and for your kind reading and commenting. I've started a revision (below?above?)) though it's only a start! D
    Last edited by Doralace; 07-16-2011 at 03:37 AM.

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