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Thread: A Haunted Poetry Contest

  1. #16
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    The envelope, please....

    YesNo
    It was Valentine's Day when she said
    It'd be better if I woke up dead.
    "Drop dead, baby," she cooed,
    "That was poisoned." I chewed--
    Yes!--then swallowed the fate I was fed.
    I liked this for the deftness of the rhymes

    Delta40
    I'm Already There
    My heart beat
    erratic in the extreme heat
    as I opened the card
    that played 'Happy Valentine's Day'
    like a chipmunk gone horribly wrong.
    Those three words spat:
    'Go To Hell!'
    The tomcat sprayed his hate on me.
    I slithered across the floorboards,
    varnished in my own pungent sweat
    to sink eternally under the tepid waterline
    of my limescaled bath.
    Ugh! You didn’t pull any punches, did you?

    Jerrybaldy
    She was clipping her big black toe
    the gothic varnish
    covered her foot fungus
    and her milky white nail
    in flawless perfection.
    I gave her a red rose
    but she wanted
    those three words
    'I love you haunted.'
    I am a free spirit
    I ripped the rules
    and went in with four.
    'Don't be a twat'
    she offered back
    with a screw driver in each hand.
    'Both for you'?
    'You want one'?
    'Would rather choke'
    'Could be arranged'
    'Go fu ck yourself'
    'Would last longer'
    'You can't write'
    'You're no poet'
    'Lets get divorced'
    'We got married'?
    'Its poetic licence'
    'Now this poem is too long'
    'There aint no pleasing you'
    'What happened to three word phrases'?
    'Life's too short'
    'Like your manhood'
    'fancy a screw'?
    'Only a driver'
    'I am pissed off with three word phrases and I am now going to write a really long line just to annoy you'.
    'Polish your head'
    'Have I written 'wasteland yet'?
    'I have no idea as my ADHD means I am no longer reading'
    ' I need no audience'
    'Why do you post your crap on here then?
    'I don't know'
    'Fancy a swim?'
    'Which way to the sea, Jane'?
    Hell, if this had been a competition for the best 4 word, 5, 6, 7, 17-word kiss-off, you’s have won in all the categories!

    soundofmusic
    BROKE A****ED LOVE

    I get broke a**** love nearly every night
    if he's not at the club startin' a fight
    Or stayin' with some b****ch that I don't know
    or basin' crack with one of his hoes

    Now my friends think it lame that I'm sharin' a man
    but he's handsome and ripped and has a tan
    He may not have money or livin' means
    but a broke a****ed man can always make you scream
    Great humour in this but I couldn’t find the three-word insult that Haunted required.

    DocHeart
    Valentine
    I never got to see the roses.
    The girl just said, “don’t worry,
    They’ll look beautiful.”

    I sat behind my desk thinking of her face
    As she thanks the delivery boy
    And slips him a fiver
    And holds the roses
    Like a baby to her chest, thinking
    The bastard won’t leave me alone.

    At night I disappear into a glass
    And read her message from within
    My personal, deeply submerged
    Blurry vessel.
    “Never again, love.” she writes
    And depths unknown are there
    To be explored
    Again.
    Ouch! A fine dose of heart-ache in this one.

    And the prize goes to........JerryBaldly for being the best-groomed, most loquacious and all-around most stinging response!

  2. #17
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Congrats Jerry!!!! *screwdriver* *bloody mary* *bloody and merry* *scotch on the rocks*


    Thank you Prince!


    And thanks so very much for those who participated, your posts had me laughing for days.



    Yes/No, there's nothin' like loving someone to death, no fuss no wuss and hopefully no traceable DNA:

    "Drop dead, baby"
    "That was poisoned."



    DocHeart, your poem evoked a very different feeling for me and I found it very touching

    read her message from within
    My personal, deeply submerged
    Blurry vessel.
    Never again, love.” she writes



    Soundofmusic, you are a riot! Love it!!!



    Delta, you won “the poem I wish I had written” award!!

    My favorite part:
    as I opened the card
    that played 'Happy Valentine's Day'
    like a chipmunk gone horribly wrong.
    Those three words spat:
    'Go To Hell!'
    The tomcat sprayed his hate on me.



    “my personal favorite” award...JerryBoldlyBaldy!!!

    Excellent jabs. And at their baddest they alchemize to something truly endearing and charming. Brilliant!

    Bonus points for being totally indoctrinated in Trashisms. Jane is pleased.

    Oh and what's really scary...those words Jerry put in my mouth are words I would actually say!



    And now, "the lamest" award goes to............me!

    (written impromptu)

    those three words he said to me:

    I met someone
    by the way
    Happy Valentine's Day

    Last edited by Haunted; 03-31-2011 at 02:38 PM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  3. #18
    Jethro BienvenuJDC's Avatar
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    I missed this thread...I will try to get involved in the next one.
    Les Miserables,
    Volume 1, Fifth Book, Chapter 3
    Remember this, my friends: there are no such things as bad plants or bad men. There are only bad cultivators.

  4. #19
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Thank you haunted and prince, Wholly unworthy but chuffed all the same.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  5. #20
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    I hope you chose a good combination of three words for that twat, Haunted x

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

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