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Thread: Mind Maze

  1. #1
    The Poetic Warrior Dark Muse's Avatar
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    Mind Maze

    Mind Maze

    My feet trespass
    within the labyrinth
    wandering
    among the hall
    of doors.

    Echoes
    from the beyond
    the wall of windows
    gaze into the
    netherworld.

    Lost within
    a spiral dream
    winding down
    twisting up
    directionless.

    Mirrors
    reflecting
    dancing shadows
    freezing in tableau
    of moving paintings.

    Within the dark
    the heart beats
    a pulsing flame
    at the center

    never to be found
    never to be reached

    casting the soul
    upon a silken screen
    falling in endless folds
    and I stand alone
    in the proverbial
    maze.
    Last edited by Dark Muse; 02-10-2011 at 12:48 PM.

    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

  2. #2
    riding a cosmic vortex MystyrMystyry's Avatar
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    Perfect as always!
    Last edited by MystyrMystyry; 02-10-2011 at 09:25 AM.

  3. #3
    The Poetic Warrior Dark Muse's Avatar
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    Thank you!

    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

  4. #4
    Registered User
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    I like the way you create the sense of being directionless.

    My only quibble would be 'upon the labyrinth' when you are actually trespassing 'within' it or 'inside' it.
    Also I feel the word 'proverbial' in the last two lines is unnecessary and actually weakens the entire effect.

    But a joy to read and explore as always.

    h

  5. #5
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Once again you capture the mood of the poem and leave me turning slowly, pondering.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  6. #6
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    There's an apparent tense shift between "trespassed" in v 1 & "gaze" in v 2. I couldn't get the logic of that and it cost me something in terms of my involvement in the poem so that afterwards, it seemed as if each new verse were a static restatement of the same emotional position.

  7. #7
    an organized mess
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    "from the beyond / the wall of windows"
    This line confused me a little at first. I assume you meant something akin to the "great beyond," but it wanted to be read like "beyond the wall."

    The rest of the poem was confusing in the way that you intended! I felt disoriented, so you achieved the desired effect

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