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Thread: Nursing

  1. #1
    an organized mess
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    Nursing

    starfish hands
    latch flatly
    while lashes
    throw shadows
    on cheeks
    like yeast rolls
    tiny toes
    line up to be
    counted

    steady
    wisp of breath
    matches
    the rhythm of
    my own
    and the creak
    of the
    rocking chair

  2. #2
    solid motherhubbard's Avatar
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    So nice. Cheeks like yeast rolls

  3. #3
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Nice imagery. I was thinking of mother and baby and then switched to grandmother due to the rocking chair. A smattering of punctuation would have prevented me first reading that the cheeks were like yeast rolls.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  4. #4
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    I'm picturing a mother nursing (possibly even suckling) a baby.

    The first stanza had a lot of 'sh' and 'ch' sounds - the latter on first reading seemed a bit too harsh - but now I realise they match the sound of the rocking chair perfectly.
    Another gem.

    H

  5. #5
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    There's a tsunami of wit, good humour and shrewd observation in these images and perhaps I'd have felt it came up short no matter how you ended it so quickly but the "creak of the rocking chair" was I think unavoidably an unwelcome premonition of mortality.

  6. #6
    an organized mess
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    Hm, I DID intend for the cheeks to be like yeast rolls... but perhaps it could also be read that the toes were like rolls? Needs some work... I was trying to keep in mind the form of the poem, I wanted the lines staggered to mimic the back and forth motion of the rocking chair, but perhaps it sacrificed some of the meaning.

  7. #7
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by everyadventure View Post
    Hm, I DID intend for the cheeks to be like yeast rolls... but perhaps it could also be read that the toes were like rolls?
    Well, but sadly I don't think you could have both the toes like rolls and the sheer ebullient joy of

    tiny toes
    line up to be
    counted

  8. #8
    Employee of the Month blank|verse's Avatar
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    THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RUBBISH!! HOW DARE YOU POST IT ON LITNET?!

    Is that more like the response you expect from me??

    'Hilarity' aside, this is very good, ea. It reminds me of some of Sylvia Plath's baby poems. There's a lot of assonance and consonance going on in the first stanza (the stronger of the two) and I agree with Prince that the 'tiny toes' image is outstanding - the highlight of the poem for me. (Maybe an 'and' before 'tiny toes' would help make that read more easily.)

    The break after 'cheeks' in the other notable image does make it read slightly oddly, maybe changing it to 'yeast roll cheeks' would help, I'm not sure.

    An enjoyable poem, good stuff ea.

  9. #9
    an organized mess
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    Yes, B|V, seeing your name beside one of my posts strikes equal parts fear and anticipation within my heart. However, I do value your opinion highly, and you bothering to comment at all tells me that you haven't entirely given up hope!

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