Granted! You are awarded the perfect job over dozens of more qualified candidates, all of whom have spent years of grueling work and gone into deep debt to actually merit the position. They are so outraged by this injustice that they burst into your office one day, fix your head on a pike, and dance around the room with it, shouting Hallelujah.
Added: Oh I forgot to wish. Um, I wish I had three arms so I could drink mocha, read, and scratch myself all at once.
Last edited by Pompey Bum; 11-11-2014 at 03:43 PM.
Granted. You have three arms but all you can do in life now is drink mocha, read and scratch yourself at the same time.
I wish my lips were naturally dark pink.
“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.” Mozart
Granted, but you're now constantly being stalked by male flamingos.
I wish working out worked faster.
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Gandhi
Granted. After 2.9. Nano seconds of working out, you have drained your body of all energy and fat. You are now a desiccated husk of your former self, and quite dead.
I wish someone would recognise my genius without my having to constantly prove it
Granted. Near the end of the 68th millennium, a minor scholar of early Internet records quips to a graduate student, "Did you see this satire of "The Road Not Taken"?--pure genius!" The graduate student suspects he's being sarcastic.
I wish I had an Amazon gift card for a million dollars.
Well I seem to have stumped the corruptors, so let me give it a try:
Granted. But my selfish desire for free books proves more than the good people at amazon.com can bear. Their business collapses, causing an unexpected economic downturn that ultimately busts the entire ebook industry. Those (like me) who donated their old paper books to local libraries have nothing more to read, while local libraries see the price of their books soar to unprecedented heights. They become so rich and powerful that they introduce a new system of feudal serfdom that restricts literacy to an elite corps of librarians and makes everybody else grow them cabbages. This dark age lasts thousands of years, until a revolutionary concept eventually sweeps the globe: all men and women are created librarians. Nooooooooooooooo!
I wish it stayed light until 8:45 pm the year round.
Last edited by Pompey Bum; 11-17-2014 at 06:15 PM.
Granted! The world's governments agree to define the time 8:45pm as the time when it gets dark out. Now, time varies day by day and keeping up with the shifting value of "8:45pm" consumes everyone's time as they try to adjust their watches with the setting sun. Nobody can make meetings or catch trains reliably. It is some people's job just to go around every night to change the clocks to fit the new day's definition.
I wish I had a fruiting banana tree.
Granted! Your new fruiting banana tree is the joy of your heart. You wait each day in delightful anticipation as its sweet protuberances gently pass from jade to gold. One night at last your eyelids grow heavy with thoughts of the morning's bounty. Tomorrow, bananas aplenty will grace your sugar frosted flakes.
Or will they? Just before dawn you are awakened by the syncopated beat of a steel drum and the unmistakable voices of banana boat packers:
DAY-O! DAY-O! DAYLIGHT COME AN' ME WAN' GO HOME...
"What the deuce?" you blaspheme, hardly able to credit the testimony of your own sensory organs.
WORK ALL NIGHT ON A DRINK O'RUM!
DAYLIGHT COME AN' ME WAN' GO HOME!
STACK BANANA TILL MORNING COME!
DAYLIGHT COME AN' ME WAN' GO HOME!
"NO!" You cry as the truth washes over you in warm, salty Caribbean rivulets. "Get away from my fruiting banana tree you carefree stevedores!" But still...
HIDE THE DEADLY BLACK TARANTULA!
DAYLIGHT COME AN' ME WAN' GO HOME!
DAY-O! I SAY DAY-O!
You drag yourself to the pink stucco veranda, but it is too late. Sluttish dawn reveals her unsightly truth: your once fruiting banana tree is nothing but a lonely and denuded nub. You make out a low ship's horn receding in the distance, and with it fading voices:
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Lost, defeated, broken in spirit, and never that hot in mind, you feel yourself falling into your bed. But there's worse to come. Too well hidden, the aforementioned deadly black tarantula crawls across your sobbing abdomen and sinks it's hairy fang-things into your quivering belly button floor. Now you will grace its sugar frosted flakes. Or something.
ADDED: Oh sorry. Um, I wish I could carry moonbeams home in a jar.
Last edited by Pompey Bum; 12-02-2014 at 10:08 PM.
Granted, but you have to collect them at source without a space suit.
I wish I had the rights of high, middle and low justice.
Granted, but - and this is an easy and obvious but - now you have all their responsibilities, too! :-)
I wish I had a trained hawk. . . ;] (this should be interesting!)
Granted. You now possess a hawk which has been trained to attack you on sight. The bird will latch onto your face and devour your eyeballs, leading to mounting medical bills and putting you at a distinct disadvantage when courting charming ladies.
The moral here is to know what you are doing and train the bird yourself, thus forming a jolly bond with one of natures miracles.
I wish I'd blown up parliament!
Granted! Unfortunately your entire family was inside at the time...
I wish I wasn't such a recluse...
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
Granted, but when you go outside, you find everyone has turned into rabbits. ;-)
Granted. You are seized by the authorities and placed in a public pillory with a placard hung around your neck reading: "Couch Slouch."
I wish this place vacuumed itself.
Edit: Again, NicholaiI has posted seconds before me. Since he did not include a question, please feel free to use mine for the next turn. If he adds one later, though, please refer to his. Sorry for the confusion.
Last edited by Pompey Bum; 01-09-2015 at 03:24 PM.
Granted. But it sucks, know what I mean?
I wish I were in Hawaii!
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
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