Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Elliot at the Sea Glass

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    2,546

    Elliot at the Sea Glass

    ELLIOT AT THE SEA GLASS

    It was lush and emerald. Elliot couldn’t much see through the color of the water. Somewhere in the distance he could see a few creatures swimming near each other, but he couldn’t see what they were or the nature of their interaction.

    It could be a very unbusy place. This part of it was Elliot’s favorite, the subterranean level with its enormous rectangular window that faced out into the ocean. Everything was formed of concrete and poorly lit. If he tilted his head and looked up through the green water he could see the sky. He could see where the afternoon sun streaked in and faded through the sea.

    Elliot had the entire bench near the window to himself. Next to him there were some school books. One of them read across the front ‘Prolegomena to any Future Metaphysics IMMANUEL KANT’; its spine was quite unbent. A dog-eared one beneath it was entitled ‘The Red Badge of Courage.’ A book mark stuck out near the back cover. But he never read them at the aquarium, they were simply friends that also rode the bus home from city college.

    Once he had taken Marissa with him. Flaxen haired and sporting glasses, she seemed to him the image of quiet beauty. Elliot sat at one end of the bench and she at the other, crossing her legs and staring straight ahead. He drank in her profile. He longed to be the soft, black scarf that caressed her gracile neck, touched her bare skin. That bastard Kant was between them so Elliot picked his school books up and set them in his lap. There was only empty space between them now. Empty space. Elliot didn’t know what to do with it and immediately flipped open the ‘Prolegomena’ hoping to find an index or some form of guidance. He couldn’t find ‘girl’. He couldn’t find ‘bench’. He found that space was a non-empirical a priori intuition, but by the time he had looked up, Marissa was disenchanted with the sea glass and was waving for him to come to the exit.

    He had returned only one more time after that. There was a seal noise from over his shoulder and he turned his head. A small, sloppy looking child was holding a balloon and crying toward his father. It was so peculiar that he turned to face it fully; they were perhaps twenty feet away and audible but no matter who spoke, no matter what the nature of the intonation was, Elliot could not decipher their words. He could see that they were near each other, but he couldn’t see what they were or the nature of their interaction.

    The breath in his chest leaving quickly, he snapped to stare back at the vast and empty sea.

  2. #2
    MANICHAEAN MANICHAEAN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Vietnam, Singapore, Japan, The Middle East, UK, The Philippines & Papua New Guinea.
    Posts
    2,569
    Blog Entries
    1
    Good piece Jack. Especially like the way you peel off a minimum couple of layers at each stage & let the reader formulate his/her own reactions. Enjoyed it.
    Best regards
    M.

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,053
    This is drawn so subtly - a few scrapes of charcoal, a little shading, just enough touches to hint at an outline of a person. You do what you do extremely well.

    H

Similar Threads

  1. You are the Glass
    By PrinceMyshkin in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 03-15-2010, 01:16 PM
  2. Glass doll
    By whitman in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-19-2009, 02:17 PM
  3. The Looking Glass
    By Eugenie in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-21-2009, 02:23 PM
  4. Behind the Looking Glass
    By Dark Muse in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 09-14-2008, 12:27 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •