Eternal Father

[em onty]

But for me, the church is empty. I say that, I'm not supposed to feel truly alone in church, am I? I'm with the Eternal Father. But then, I'm always with him, right? Always. All this winter I've been with him, Or he's been with me, and he's watched and cared and loved. Guided me.

Funny that, when you think about it. This year, this winter, hasn't been up to much. Sort of a downer. Nothing catastrophic, you understand, just nothing at all but slow decay. I haven't been tried, nor tempted; just reduced. I wonder why? Wonder what He thought, as He watched, as He directed and gently, oh so gently, stripped away little slithers of life from me.

Shall I pray again? Can't hurt. Can it?

John-on-the-Wall's been here for some time in some form or another. About as long as the city. About a thousand years. Does that mean anything? Does He pay more attention to older congregations? Is that what I think? Why I come here when almost no-one else does anymore? A thousand years of pleading with Him. Must be worth something more than nothing.

Not much left to think now. Late. Ought to be off, to get home, to have tea. I can't. I haven't felt anything yet. Can't leave it like this.

Shall I plead?

Shall I plead with Him to stop taking chunks from my happiness? Please do not reduce me, my eternal father, I sharn't have the strength to keep on. Is that what I should plead?

Ought to be at home.

Ought not to be here.

I reckon we're about two thirds the way though winter now. Reckon I shall be quite small by the end of it. Not sure if I shall be able to notice myself for all the disintegration, the dust and debris. Do you want that? Shall I plead with you not to do that to me? Is that what you desire, my Lord?

Are you all the greater when I am reduced? Oh Lord, are you?

Oh Lord, my Eternal Father, I shall pray, shall plead, I shall grovel in the pews, my knees on this stone floor, my elbows clutched in, my back bowed. I am small am I not, Lord?

Lord, give me the strength to look up to you, be guided by you, Lord, help me, love me, punish me, redeem me, tell me what to do, what not to do, how to live, how to die, when to die, don't just look on me, love me, hate me, care, understand, be alive, be real, be for me, be, Be

Fill the void, clutter my mind, my Eternal Father don't you ever let me be more than a child.

Oh God, stop these thoughts.

[MANICHAEAN]

I'm so glad I read this. It was very moving. Your style of open thinking and use of words in this thread was handled extremely well. Thank you & best regards.
M

[em onty]

Thank you Manichaean. I wrote the prayer first, months ago, then, just last night, decided to work back from it until I had an appropriate context for it.

[sweety]

What can I say but: Outstanding ! Very moving and thought provoking indeed, thank you.

S

[em onty]

Might I enquire on what thoughts it provokes for you, Sweety? I only ask because I generally manage to provoke little but bemusement.

[Return Journey]

I’ve read this three or four times and like it very much. I also find it very thought provoking.
It’s very honest.

“I haven't been tried, nor tempted; just reduced. I wonder why? Wonder what He thought, as He watched, as He directed and gently, oh so gently, stripped away little slithers of life from me.”

Not tried or tempted, just reduced, gently stripped away.
More of Him and less of us.

“Lord, give me the strength to look up to you, be guided by you, Lord, help me, love me, punish me, redeem me, tell me what to do, what not to do, how to live, how to die, when to die, don't just look on me, love me, hate me, care, understand, be alive, be real, be for me, be, Be”

Whatever you do, God, let me know you are there.
Father, don’t ever leave me.
Thanks em onty

Oh, yes. I also liked the thought about older congregations/churches.

[MANICHAEAN]

Em
In your response to sweety; "bemused" or "befuddled" no.
"Bewitched," yes, in so far as you cast the spell.

I read it somewhere once, that when you look on the face of those that are: poor, in pain, dejected, ignored and cast aside, that you are looking at Christ himself in a wretched disguise.

Regards
M.

[em onty]

You comment about the wretched and Christ makes for an interesting moment's thought. Peoples' relationships with their God, Gods or lack of either is fascinating. I find myself, more and more, thinking myself into the position of these differing---but equally devout in their own ways---views. It is not only very interesting (try walking a mile in those boots &c.), but potential literary gold-dust; when it can be properly captured that is.

[MANICHAEAN]

em onty
I think the "gold-dust" was well and truely panned by the writer Graham Greene, especially in books like "The Power & The Glory." In fact it was fascinating to see how he used his freedom as a writer in imaginery situations to raise questions on the basis of dogmas in a rigid established Church.

[em onty]

I shall give him a look. Shall be after a new read once I've got to the end of Dirk Gently.

[MANICHAEAN]

Let me know what your impressions are when you do. It was mothers milk to me.
Best wishes for the New Year.
M.