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Thread: 1975

  1. #1
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    1975

    The beach emptied of windbreaks,
    towels, buckets and spades
    and other families
    gone with the end of the day.
    This bit of coast
    belonged to you and me, sis
    and mum and dad
    holding hands in the sea.
    I could smell candy floss
    in the air
    mixed with discarded
    salty chips.
    The swing boats on the beach,
    had finished swinging today.
    A name in the sand
    was smoothly wiped.
    With buried feet
    we laid on a dune,
    swept in an orange light
    and watched,
    never knowing
    that this,
    was the last
    perfect day.
    Last edited by Jerrybaldy; 12-20-2010 at 07:56 PM.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  2. #2
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Oh Jerry this is heart-wrenching. 1975 was the last good year of my childhood. I love the sound and flavours of this piece

    belonged to you and me, sis
    and mum and dad
    holding hands in the sea.

    You capture the whole notion of family security in these few lines

    I could smell candy floss
    in the air
    mixed with discarded
    salty chips.

    great tangle of sweet and savoury.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  3. #3
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    Certainly one to twang the heart strings.... those never-forgotten summer holidays of childhood. And the concluding line like some unseen shark beneath the waves....

    Da-da-da-da! Da-da-da-da! (the theme from 'Jaws' in case you missed the reference - which, coincidentally was released in '75).

    H

  4. #4
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Thanks Delta, glad it resonated with you.
    Hill, oddly enough, my father's replacement took me to see that film the following year.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  5. #5
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    Now that's spooky.

  6. #6
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    ouch. As soon as we 10 pound poms got to Australia, my father bought a holden kingswood and took us to see it at the drive in on Saturday night and took us to the beach on Sunday...
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  7. #7
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Yikes. I'm out of here

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  8. #8
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Perhaps we need 'Jaws Anonymous?'
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  9. #9
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    A little tear for little Jerry...

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  10. #10
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    That ending is a killer!

    But, please: "we laid on a dune" should be we lay on a dune

  11. #11
    Tralfamadorian Big Dante's Avatar
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    That was very good.
    The ending was the standout for me and it capped off a very well writen poem.
    Well done.

  12. #12
    nightshifft
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    never knowing
    that this,
    was the last
    perfect day.


    we never know when its the last perfect day do we even when we think we do
    such truth sighhhhhh well done

    dark

    well done

  13. #13
    Death awaits...
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    Oh, how terribly sad, Jerry. My ♥ goes out to you.
    xo

  14. #14
    riding a cosmic vortex MystyrMystyry's Avatar
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    You certainly got me with that one too

    The self-contained nature setting and family unit forming two loose but powerful structures, the strength of them both contrasting with each other and themselves for what night and tomorrow shall bring, like everything that seems so real will soon be washed away

    And, yeah...

  15. #15
    yuka yuka's Avatar
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    so vivid, plucking lightly at anybody's heart. love

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