Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 22

Thread: The (hopefully) creative writings of Huhuran

  1. #1

    The (hopefully) creative writings of Huhuran

    So basically I'm planning on putting all short stories I write in this one thread so as to not anger the admins. If you like my stories or have comments, questions, tips, etc. shoot me a message or comment on the thread. I try to be as patient, and kind as I can be so feel free to start a conversation with me in the mail part of this site.

  2. #2
    The Board Game Part One: squabble at sea
    (In the board game kingmaker you play out the English civil war "the war of the roses")
    On the coast of southern wales at the village of Milford Haven, Me's lord Greystoke aboard the ship Le Lucas is sticking his toung out at, and otherwise making fun of, I's ship Le Nicholas
    The 2 ships are in a dead race to Ireland to determine the fate of the Yorkist Prince Edmund. They have been delayed by a storm at sea and are stuck in the same village port together unable to sink each others ship
    (for some reason)......if the Le Nicholas reaches Ireland first Edmund is saved and can be ferried to a safe castle in wales
    If the Le Lucas reaches Ireland first Lord Greystoke will leap off and execute the infant prince as soon as he can
    WHO WILL WIN?

  3. #3
    A little background is in order
    My first short story is in five or six parts, was all written a month ago. OH...and it is a squabble between me, myself, and I

  4. #4
    The Board Game Part 2: The Royals
    (in order to win the game you need to control the only king, you can crown kings to challenge this. ) The reigning king His Majesty, King Henry of lancaster, his wife Queen Margaret, and their son Crown Prince Edward are in the hands of Myself's noble Nobles.
    Of the rebel Yorkists there is Prince Richard senior, (the father) executed by Myself's lord Clifford at York. And Richard's four sons, prince Edward (hiding in Harlech castle), prince George (dead because of the black plague), prince Richard junior (partying/hiding in northern France, and prince Edmund (being brought back from hiding in Ireland by I).
    Edmund will be brought to LLan Stephan Castle where I is rallying all of his remaining men to hopefully withstand Me's relentless attack.

  5. #5
    The Board Game Part 3: I's Doom
    In the first days of the war I's faction was lucky and had the lord Scrope on their side
    I's lord Scrope, Archbishop of York, not only had access to the major city of York but also had the right to crown a king. Scrope's home castle of Masham being right next to York where the rebel prince Richard Senior was in hiding. The plan for the start of the revolution was for Scrope to skip to York and crown the prince leaving England with two kings and a civil war in full swing. Unfortunately for I, Me caught wind of the plan (who knows how) and Me's Lord Percy of NorthUmberland raced from his castle at Alnwick immediately to lay siege at Masham.
    The rest of Me's army was short in coming and upon their arrival he attacked I's Lord Scrope at Masham Castle. Scrope lost the battle and was executed, his position as Archbishop of York rewarded to Me's up-and-coming Lord Cromwell. Whom immediately wrote a letter admitting Myself's Lord Clifford into York who then executed the Rebel Prince Richard Senior.

  6. #6
    The Board Game Part 4: The War at Large
    I's host had gathered in northern Wales and marched NorthEast to save the Lord Scrope at Masham....unfortunately the battle was lost and Scrope killed before they were even half way there. I's army was now vastly inferior to that of Me annnnnd very close to Me's full assembled army at Masham.
    They were thankfully able to pull a miraculous retreat and far outpaced Me's army on their way southwest again. Meanwhile Myself's army was moving from castle to castle and gathered all 3 members of the Lancaster royal family; King Henry, Queen Margaret, and Crown Prince Edward. They rallied the family to FotheringHay Castle and left them there under heavy guard. Back to the fighting in Wales. I's host got broken up, the lords Neville and Fitzalan received letters that there was peasant revolts taking place at one of each of their properties. Neville went to his Raby Castle in the north to deal with the uprising, and Fitzalan went to his Arundel castle in the far south of England. (no one in their right mind attacks a noble hurrying to stop revolt, and soldiers march at record speeds to stop them.)
    This left I's Lord Herbert alone in Wales with thirty men at his banner, needless to say he ran like the dickens to a nearby port where his ship the Le Nicholas was waiting.
    At this time Me's great army never actually entered Wales, it sat at Raby Castle till Neville finished putting down the revolt, then they laid siege, killed him, and took the castle.

  7. #7
    The Board Game Part 5: The Great Siege.
    The lord Courtenay joined I's faction of Nobles and helped escort Lord Fitzalan and his men to Courtenay's castle Okehampton in the Duchy of Devon and Cornwall in southwestern England. The Lord Herbert landed his ship the Le Nicholas and moved his force to Okehampton as well. So now I's whole standing army of 450 men was rallied at Okehampton Castle.
    Meanwhile Me and Myself rallied all of their available men to lay siege to Okehampton Castle, their whole combined force numbered 850 men laying siege to Okehampton Castle. It was around this time that the Lord's Audley and Stafford joined I's faction and began raiding the countryside of eastern England in an attempt to draw some of Me and Myself's forces away from Okehampton. On the first day of the siege I's forces we're surprised to see no incoming attacks (thanks to bad weather delaying Me and Myself)
    On the third day the first skirmish of the siege occurred. Me and Myself's forces climbed the walls and fought hard, but eventually had to pull back to their camps. I was then horrified to discover that the Lord Fitzalan had died fighting on the wall and his men lost the will to fight for I. Fitzalan's force of 150 men departed the castle and were allowed to pass through the besieging lines.
    The odds are now 300 defenders against 850 attackers, and we are waiting on further reports.

  8. #8
    The Board Game Part 6: The War's End
    The Me and Myself alliance continued to press their attack at the siege of Okehampton castle and after another couple of weeks the walls were breached. I's forces fought to the last bravely.....which lets be honest didn't amount to much......and in the end were crushed. Now the ship Le Nicholas (which had the rebel prince Edmund aboard) was under the command of I's Lord Herbert. The lord Herbert died in the battle at Okehampton and his rights to the Le Nicholas were given to one of Myself's lords as repayment for their service. It was around this time that a plague in Calais, France killed the rebel prince Richard Junior, leaving Edmund as the only Yorkist Prince. So Me drafted a letter to I and the Lords Audley and Stafford, his last two lords, declaring that if they did not surrender post-haste Prince Edmund would be executed for their crimes. Wishing to not have the blood of an entire noble line on their hands I's lords surrendered and handed their master I over for execution.
    In this way the great civil war was ended. THE END

  9. #9
    Registered User Calidore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    5,071
    A couple comments right off the bat:

    * This could have been one post. Next time, just put the whole thing together (and put some whitespace between paragraphs for readability).

    * It's not really a story, just relating a sequence of events. You tell everything but show nothing, and the characters are just pawns with names but no personalities. What's the hook to interest the reader?
    You must be the change you wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Gandhi

  10. #10
    Thank you very much for the feedback. That makes sense.
    As for the story, it's a little more playing off the slight humor of dragged on titles, war having rules, and the overarching conflict of the leaders me, myself, and I. Which you are correct to make it more interesting elaborating on the characters would be a very good idea. Thank you

  11. #11
    The Bear


    I looked across the field, if I were part of any other company I would've feared for my life...But this band was different. This company of mercenaries was led by "The Bear" and he alone could level this fight in our favor. I remembered when I first joined the company.


    I had been working my family's farm when my father called me in from the field. A troop was passing through the town. When I got to the elder's house I saw a number of villagers already there. And there next to the elder was a man. No ordinary man either, a giant of a man. The only name he had was "The Bear". He had a thick, scraggly brown, almost black, beard and mop of hair. He was muscled well and scarred. He stood a head and a half taller than me and broad shouldered. He already had a small band of men with him and asked the village for volunteers, his voice deep and gravely. I and three of my friends stepped forward and he kindly payed our parents for the loss also saying that he payed by the week and we would have our own share in the take.


    Since then I've seen a number of fights, armored and armed myself with the loot of fallen enemies. Our numbers swelled to a respectable strength. We fought mostly bandits to start with, cleaning up my homeland. Soon enough war broke out, as expected, our company signed on with one kingdom and was now deployed in battle against another "real army".


    Some high count of the rival kingdom was leading a company much like our own: Ragtag, but veteran. There were two main differences though; there were fifteen more of them than there were of us, and those extra fifteen were the count's elite bodyguard...knights!


    There force came charging after us. The bear shouted his orders: "HEAR ME!! infantry form a line here!! Archers ten paces farther up the hill!!" he rode his horse and motioned the positions with his sword. We kept a careful eye on the advancing enemy as we took our positions on the steep hill. The archers were already able to fire and "The Bear" took off down the hill on his horse. He circled round the back and, with some clever horse work, and fighting, he managed to kill A bodyguard, a pair of archers and the count's own horse before returning to our line with a handful of cuts and an arrow in his shield. He dismounted and pulled his massive battle axe from the harness on his back and readied himself. Our lines collided, I jabbed down and dropped some poor young man like myself but inexperienced. I couldn't watch "The Bear" directly in the fighting but I didn't have too.


    A knight crashed between my friend and I, and there he was. "The Bear" leaped through the air caught the knight with his axe and pulled him down we moved in for the kill, "The Bear" would leap from one side of our line to another, killing as he went. He targeted the knights as they charged in and cut them down before they could make too much of a difference. The battle raged for a while, at one point the count himself in his heavy armor charged in swinging his great sword, he killed four men before "The Bear" reached him. He struck the count in the back where the count's shield was hung, the blow cracked the shield and stumbled the count. The count turned and swung his sword. "The Bear" side-stepped the swing and brought his axe down full force on the count's shoulder. The count collapsed and what was left of his men began to run. "CHARRGE!!" shouted The Bear. HA HA! We chased the blighters for aways, killed several more. It was a right grand victory. We mourned, and buried, our dead. We stripped off armor and weapons from their dead to improve ourselves, and discovered that the count had woken up and fled while we chased his men. All-in-all we lived to fight another day.....beside...The Bear...

  12. #12
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Fremantle Western Australia
    Posts
    9,902
    Blog Entries
    62
    Again, it's all so vague and doesn't attach to any relatable character. Nobody cares about The Bear because we know nothing about him, the narrator or tangible details of the plot. It's wrapped up before it starts and what details you do provide are repetitive.

    You do have a writing skill but I recommend you read other stories and see how character development and plots unfold.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  13. #13
    Registered User Grit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Now.
    Posts
    272
    Blog Entries
    3
    The Bear is a cool idea but it isn't very well executed. As Delta and Calidore have touched on, your characters aren't very well developed and because of that there's no emotional investment on the part of the reader.

    The other thing I notice is this is written like an outline or something I used to do for screenplays. A lot of those lines could be fleshed out and made into scenes, especially in the beginning. You're telling us what's happening, but we want to see what's happening.

    It feels like you rushed through the beginning to get to the big battle and the Bear. I mean, this story is all about the bear isn't it? You should try to have a better sense of character before you begin actually writing.

    Perhaps the story would be more intriguing if it were written solely about the bear rather than about someone fighting the bear?
    While the truncheon may be used
    in lieu of conversation,
    words will always retain their power.
    Words offer the means to meaning,
    and for those who will listen,
    the enunciation of truth.

  14. #14
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Fremantle Western Australia
    Posts
    9,902
    Blog Entries
    62
    Possibly but usually the reader wants to cheer for the character up against some kind obstacle. What do you have in mind Grit?
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  15. #15
    Registered User Grit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Now.
    Posts
    272
    Blog Entries
    3
    Quote Originally Posted by Delta40 View Post
    Possibly but usually the reader wants to cheer for the character up against some kind obstacle. What do you have in mind Grit?
    If it were my story I might explore the brutality of living the life the bear might live. Killing for every dollar, and being a brutal beast on the field of battle but then being a gentle and caring father off the field. Perhaps he's quite slow. His physical prowess is his gift but what are his weaknesses? What makes him vulnerable?

    What if he got an assignment to slaughter a respected figure in his home village? What mission does he say no on? Does he draw the line at killing women or children? Or is that okay? If he does go through with it, how does it effect his relationship with his own family?

    Any of these are interesting, I think. The anti-hero is always fun to explore.
    While the truncheon may be used
    in lieu of conversation,
    words will always retain their power.
    Words offer the means to meaning,
    and for those who will listen,
    the enunciation of truth.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Personal Writings
    By dwdean in forum General Literature
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-28-2011, 08:20 AM
  2. Freud's Writings
    By Windup in forum General Literature
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 08-10-2010, 09:13 PM
  3. Unseen Kafka Writings
    By TannerS in forum Kafka, Franz
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-24-2010, 03:52 PM
  4. Untouched Writings
    By Gokhan in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-28-2006, 02:03 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •