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Thread: The Red Flower.

  1. #1
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    The Red Flower.

    The Red Flower.

    The time stood still in once was no man land.
    For the alone soldier in the red field.
    The sweet fragrance of the scarlet flowers.
    Drift itself gentle across the air.

    The time sent him back to the 1940's.
    In the fox hole; he trying keep warm.
    Listening for Jerry come.
    Now with rifle in his hands.

    In a wink of eye.
    The alone soldier is back amongst the poppy again.
    Last edited by zoolane; 11-13-2010 at 04:13 PM.
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  2. #2
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    The Victory.

    The Victory.

    Here they come with look of victory.
    The victory grin brawl across their faces.
    But the eyes are full of emptiness.
    They souls are blacked with murder.
    The murders come with order and will to survive.
    The look of victory will be with them forever.
    Last edited by zoolane; 11-13-2010 at 03:56 PM.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  3. #3
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    The Bomb.

    The Bomb.

    The sound come from the sky.
    The autumn blast on the bricks below.
    The orange buildings breaks in rumble.

    The anderson still stand.
    With poeple merge with the look of hope.

    People stare in shock with disbelieve.
    Once stood they their houses which is gone.

    Not one of my best.
    Last edited by zoolane; 11-13-2010 at 04:30 PM.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  4. #4
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    I know we have just had Rememberance Day but I get the impression you have some deep connection with WWII. I think The Victory is subtle because one can apply it to the 'enemy' just as much as to our side.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  5. #5
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Not really My grandfather was in the Army and was station in jungle, his father was merchant seaman in WW1. The era I like learned and watch films and documentaries are WW2.

    The Victory was base loose on the German march in Europe. Example:Poland and France etc.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

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  6. #6
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    When you wrote

    But the eyes are full of emptiness.
    They souls are blacked with murder.

    It struck me that it was a portrayal of evil. However, this could just as well be what happens to good people exposed to conflict - they die inside because of the atrocities they have seen and/or been part of.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  7. #7
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delta40 View Post
    When you wrote

    But the eyes are full of emptiness.
    They souls are blacked with murder.

    It struck me that it was a portrayal of evil. However, this could just as well be what happens to good people exposed to conflict - they die inside because of the atrocities they have seen and/or been part of.
    You right it. That it act of been a soldier is hard job and cruel of all. The thing special apply to WW2 due true nature of German and what Allies found it. Said that Japanese weren't of out from their act of POW treatment or ordinary people.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  8. #8
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    I agree 'The Victory' makes the greatest impact because of the language and imagery - and also because it reminds me of the phrase 'victory at all costs' - and here you actually show us the cost rather than the victory itself.

    'The Red Flower' is a little cliche'd, although it has some nice touches, but 'The Bomb' lacks something. It's like you're showing us fragments of a picture but we don't really know anything about the people in the picture or their circumstances, and cannot really engage with anything that has happened to them so don't particularly care about them.

    H

  9. #9
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    The Lost Soul.

    The Lost Soul.

    The lost soul is skin and bone.
    Lost soul hide beneath corpses to keep alive.
    The soul wish to be free like corpses.
    But the notion of give up.
    Is not allow in the soul spirit.
    Silence is gold.
    The soul try to claw the way out.
    The mass grave is to big.
    The fragile soul fallen back.
    Gentle drift of to sleep.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  10. #10
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    I think of the soul as man's desparation to separate himself from the animal he is but I still enjoyed the power of your poem zoo.

    Having just re-read I am now thinking that the lost soul was not the metaphysical soul but an undead soldier and the poem is now even stronger.
    Good work zoo.
    JerryB

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  11. #11
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Thank you again Jerry I am glad you like it and I had to look up metaphysical well mean of it.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  12. #12
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    These poems show a lot of linquistic control, they are all tight and neat. The first name basis in The Red Flower suggests it's someone he knows, and I'm thinking mercy killing. But I sensed that it's more like an elimination, so there's some incoherence there for me that perhaps needs more elaboration. The Victory is one that stays in my mind, deep inside there's no winner in a war. In the Bomb, "poeple merge with the look of hope" and "People stare in shock with disbelieve." follow each other, the contradiction left me a bit unsatisfied. On the other hand, The Lost Soul really connects with me.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

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