The Imprisoned Girl - The Girl's Song

[Amylian]

Hey,

As usual, I wrote those poems when I was at the Modern Institute whilst waiting for my class to start.



#1

The Imprisoned Girl - The Girl's Song
By
Ali Makki aka Amylian the Great
5:05 PM

Weep not your misery of life, oh priestess,
In me, there revealed thy desire, alas,
Wearing black robe, imprisoned, eating less,
Why are those candles lit all over the room?
Is it the overture of newly ritualistic bloom?
Or is it thy tears that kindled them up, to express thy doom?

Free me from this unbearable suffering,
My Lord: break the chains that bind mine hands.
This dark light, this dim light, this day of dark,
In it I fade, it is cold, and it is painful,
No mirror is there to behold mine beauty,
My Lord, I beg thee, to me, what have ye done?

To thee, Oh fair priestess, nothing have I done.
Only that the threads of thy laments reached out to me,
Thy plight, thy song have reached out to me,
And thy Letters of Spurs have reached out to me,
Delivered to me by a Divine swan.

Enough of lies, more I shall hear none.
Oh how despicable thou art,
Fool was I,
Wretched was I
To trust Man.
Look into my eyes,
And know that thou art forever damned,
Forever cursed,
And Sing shall I no more.
DIE.

#2

“Mystical Night”
By
Ali Makki aka Amylian the Great
4:45 pm

Oh, Mystical Night, in me, sing,
Sing in me thy choirs of delicate air,
Of shiny stars, of glamorous, bold moon,
Brew up life,
Dour not let be it,
Snow not,
Rain not,
Storm not,
All I want
Is you and me.

8/11/2010

Regards,
Ali aka Amylian the Great

[Haunted]

Just curious, what's this place, the Modern Institute? Were you forceably put there? Because it just seems to be one of the greatest literary paradoxes that one is inspired to write in such an antiquated language while at a place called the Modern Institute. But your signature as being The Great does agree with the old worldness in which self grandeur plays out.

I like the sound (and fury) in your poems when I read it out loud in my head, they definitely take me back many centuries and resemble something I've seen and enjoyed from that era. Otherwise I can't get deep into with what you're saying because old style English word usage is just too out of touch for me.

[hillwalker]

Yes, Planet Amylian is indeed a strange corner of the universe.

I quite liked the first poem - some of the phrases like 'this day of dark' or 'the threads of thy laments' stick in the mind - but the language is so antiquated and convoluted that most prospective readers are going to take one look and move on.

I suppose one could call this a cross between Omar Khayam and the Old Testament in style - nothing at all like the English language as most people know and understand it. I just wonder why you lumber yourself with such a millstone around your neck. Perhaps you are under the misguided idea that this is what poetry should really sound like.

As for the second poem - 'Dour not let be it' sounds like some phrase converted from English to Klingon then back to English by a defective translation programme. Why not just write 'Let it be not dour' if you insist on being archaic. It still begs the question why twist the language so?

H