I fall in love
the way I learned
to ride my bike
after the training wheels
were removed.
I careened around,
then willed the bike
to go straight, as if
willing and wheeling
were two closely related activities,
two ways to loop the afternoon air.
I fall in love
the way I learned
to ride my bike
after the training wheels
were removed.
I careened around,
then willed the bike
to go straight, as if
willing and wheeling
were two closely related activities,
two ways to loop the afternoon air.
Last edited by PrinceMyshkin; 11-05-2010 at 10:22 AM. Reason: Per suggestion by Hillwalker
Very smart.. you always have this talent of creating a beautiful image of things.. andhow you use such comparisons.. You're so good ..
I liked reading it
"He is asleep. Though his mettle was sorely tried,
He lived, and when he lost his angel, died.
It happened calmly, on its own,
The way the night comes when day is done."
good paralell between bike riding and the perils of love Prince
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
Great poem, Prince.
I particularly liked the line 'two ways to loop the afternoon air.'..... and must say I think it would have been better ending it at that point.
I just feel that last stanza is in danger of taking away the magic of the two preceding ones by 'stating the bleeding obvious' to quote Monty Python.
H
okay so I'm not the only one who goes splat....
Great use of analogy, and using a bicycle you're also giving us hope that it's possible we can get it right.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
for some reason I kept wanting to replace careened with careered. I agree with Hill. Think you could drop the third stanza altogether. That said it is as irresitible as all of your postings. They rightly never go unread. I cannot imagine not clicking on any of your postings.
cheers
Jerry the second
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
Many thanks, Hoope, Delta, Haunted,
JerryBApropos looking for my postings, keep your eyes out for "The Waist-Line" which will have a well-deserved rant against April.for some reason I kept wanting to replace careened with careered. I agree with Hill. Think you could drop the third stanza altogether. That said it is as irresitible as all of your postings. They rightly never go unread. I cannot imagine not clicking on any of your postings.
cheers
Hillwalker:Brilliant observation! I only wish I had seen that on my own, but have now acted on. I would often have occasion to warn my students against "milking the metaphor" and as I myself posted earlier:I particularly liked the line 'two ways to loop the afternoon air.'..... and must say I think it would have been better ending it at that point.
I just feel that last stanza is in danger of taking away the magic of the two preceding ones by 'stating the bleeding obvious' to quote Monty Python.
H
After the poem
comes the verbiage,
the slow leaking away
of inspiration,
Last edited by PrinceMyshkin; 11-05-2010 at 10:38 AM.
I especially liked how you drew together willing and wheeling - so true, Prince.
I think Hill made a good observation. Your poem has more impact and a better lingering effect.
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
Thanks Lumiere and Delta.
This, this I can relate to!
"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."
~E.B. White
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