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Thread: Long Night

  1. #1
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Long Night

    Coffee cup
    Unsweetened, bitter
    Spluttering, swallowing, sugaring
    I must stay awake
    Tumbler

    Sex
    Erotic, lewd
    Rousing, steaming, releasing
    I must reach climax
    Raw

    A cigarette
    Slim, elegant
    Smoking, curling, coughing
    I must slowly unwind
    Gasper

    Four poster bed
    Intimate, memorable
    Creaking, bouncing, rocking
    I must try sleep
    Berth
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  2. #2
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Know true words wrote be female point view, I like lots special last verse the line '' I must sleep''.

    I said all time even without bed move.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  3. #3
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    A cruise? Sea trip? Long distance flight? I can see the references to trying to stay awake with coffee and cigarettes, but the sex and the four-poster have got me guessing - so to speak. (Oh memories...)

    Sorry, you are going to have to explain - in oblique trems, preferably..

    Or have I just been painfully naive? (Please remember my age!)
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  4. #4
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    I think Zoo understands perfectly Dafydd....
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  5. #5
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    The "Lie back and think of England" routine...... Thanks. Now I understand.. I must have had a more sheltered upbringing than I had originally thought.
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  6. #6
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delta40 View Post
    I think Zoo understands perfectly Dafydd....
    I do Delta,
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  7. #7
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    The last line confused me. I loved the link between first line and last of each stanza. So, hold on maybe I am not confused by the last line, a four poster bed = just a berth. I should rewrite this but in the space of this posting I think I now understand. Its always the lines that confuse that hold the key.
    I feel confident I understand now but feel free to tell me otherwise.
    I admire what you can do that I cannot. That is probably a definition of admiration.
    well done my friend
    JerryB

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  8. #8
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    It took me a few readings to spot the contrast between the 1st and 3rd verses and the 2nd and 4th. Like daf I relied on the response from zoo to set me thinking along the right lines.

    Verse 2 was particularly effective - the last word 'Raw' such an accurate yet unexpected 'climax' following the preceding line.

    H

  9. #9
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    This is my first cinquain. I have learned something about poetry

    I'm moving forward
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  10. #10
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hillwalker View Post
    It took me a few readings to spot the contrast between the 1st and 3rd verses and the 2nd and 4th. Like daf I relied on the response from zoo to set me thinking along the right lines.

    Verse 2 was particularly effective - the last word 'Raw' such an accurate yet unexpected 'climax' following the preceding line.

    H
    Thanks Hill. I did not notice the link between the verses till you pointed them out! Raw is a word that encompasses many meanings. Perhaps I ought to go over the other stanzas and find an expression as apt as that one
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  11. #11
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    S2 L4 is revealing, though - the use of the word "must" as opposed to "would like". Very deep.
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  12. #12
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dafydd manton View Post
    S2 L4 is revealing, though - the use of the word "must" as opposed to "would like". Very deep.
    If you read L4 in every stanza, it reveals that 'think of England' which you refer to
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  13. #13
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    I'm learning.... on two levels!
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

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