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Thread: The Crack.

  1. #1
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    The Crack.

    The Crack

    The crack opens my heart,
    Azure, tangerine liquid is draining away.
    Slow I get breathless and limp.
    As my life is flash before.

    The darkness comes closer.
    With shadowed figure hide within.
    Shadow with a white face.
    I know who it is.
    It is death, has for me.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  2. #2
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    The crack of doom - I like the way you have imagined all the colours draining out of your heart.

    H

  3. #3
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Thee

    I scold thee with my tongue.
    I mark thee with my cane.
    I will bound thee with my rope.
    I will lay thee down.

    I will enrage thee with my angry.
    I will vicious kiss thee.
    I will careless crest thee body.
    I will be release and you stay bound.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  4. #4
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    Thee - superb, just superb, probably one of your best ever, and that says a lot!!!!!!!!
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  5. #5
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dafydd manton View Post
    Thee - superb, just superb, probably one of your best ever, and that says a lot!!!!!!!!

    Thee was made on bus trip to hospital, 1 half of my brain was reading a book by Dean Kootnz and other try figure things out what words, lines when in this 2 verses poem.

    Thank you Dafy
    Last edited by zoolane; 10-02-2010 at 09:19 AM.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  6. #6
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Proud??

    Proud?

    If you could see me now.
    Would you be proud of me?
    Would you be disgrace of what I come?

    If you could see me now.
    The choices I have made.
    Would agree or disagree with them.

    Would still love me?
    Like I still love you.
    Even so you have been go for so long.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  7. #7
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    Proud - sounds like its a poem based on someone you cared about and cared about you. They still matter to you and you express yourself with such honest uncertainty here that I'm sure they are proud of you. And I hope you're proud of yourself.

    There's a lot of restraint in this that shows how much you are maturing as a writer.

    H

  8. #8
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Thank you for comment H, aleast growing in one shape or form.

    Wishing my ears would stop bloody burn.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  9. #9
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Mother Point of View.

    As I float in mid air.
    I can see you cause trouble.
    with your hands on her hips.
    Your sibling point the finger at you.

    The voices are getting loud ed.
    Another sibling join in.
    Trying to calm things down.

    I turn to my body, sent you all to bed.
    Last edited by zoolane; 10-02-2010 at 09:20 AM.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  10. #10
    Registered User Skia's Avatar
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    Mother point of view = sounds like my family home !
    When you're close to tears remember,
    someday, it'll all be over...


    "Words to cut your emotions with.
    Words to make you feel worthless with
    " - Zoolane


  11. #11
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    tangerine liquid for some reason, really struck me. You are flowing more than Angs flowers lately

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  12. #12
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    Zoo,you are making many of us think very hard about life - don't stop, whatever you do!!! Never!
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  13. #13
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jerrybaldy View Post
    tangerine liquid for some reason, really struck me. You are flowing more than Angs flowers lately
    Thank you Jerry, I think might soft side try to get out maybe?


    Quote Originally Posted by Skia View Post
    Mother point of view = sounds like my family home !
    Well Skia, I got sick of constent to and fro between all 3 girls.

    Quote Originally Posted by dafydd manton View Post
    Zoo,you are making many of us think very hard about life - don't stop, whatever you do!!! Never!
    Thank you Dafy I will try not to, best not make promise just yet. lol
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  14. #14
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Me

    Me

    Here I am growing in statue.
    My brain is going burst with knowledge.
    Waiting to show world what I can do.

    I uses my skill with words.
    Words are everywhere.
    Words are in bedded in my being for forever.
    Last edited by zoolane; 10-02-2010 at 09:21 AM.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  15. #15
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Zoo art thou a poet
    thou whet our souls
    with smatterings
    of words
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

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