The pride of oblivion

[loki456]

ok ok, so i've been reading a few of these cryptic poems now for the better part of an hour and thought i would lend my hand to a verse or two.


The Pride of Oblivion

Oh crimson night of the forlorn light grant me this one wish
Eyes do peer, through a window of mere of something so pish
Heavenly gaze upon her brilliant splendour, smell of pure wonder
As it lingers let it bring her closer beyond this parent sunder

I followed her doom to the edge of sanity and beyond
Here did the words lose meaning and with my mind abscond
Startled by the dark and the lost tear of the fearless orion
Hand in hand I was guided by evil, the true pride of oblivion

Hearts that hence were melded, now broken and trodden
laid to waste as the muse began to wake the ancient fallen
with those past and present as her guardians and failed penance
the scorned desecrated holiness through unwaivering reverance

[Delta40]

I love the magical fable like quality to this poem

[dafydd manton]

Don't know why, but it brings ancient Rome, or Pompeii to mind! I like this one, thanks for sharing it.

[Delta40]

Did you say there was a puzzle in the poem?

[loki456]

haha yeah... more of a hidden meaning. think 'fatal attraction' haha.
thanks guys for the comments!

[Delta40]

sorry. I'm a sucker for poetical phrases and always fail to find their meaning!!!

[loki456]

i wrote it about a 'femme fatale'... not that i have any experience with one (obviously since i'm still here), but seemed like a funny subject to write about.

[loki456]

Man’s Contempt

Faceless ghosts wander, while mortal men shimmer
Murderous clarity follows and hatreds boil and simmer
The sound of future fading, God’s lights lost without warning
We sing songs in folly, when mothers weep in mourning

The dirt drenched in suffering, blood made manifest
And the worms feed on death, as men lay in false jest
The error in govern founded on the field of rotting
And with hindsight comes the act of grave plotting

The green waves now fallen in the dusk light
And the memory remains of that cold winters fight
A man stands amidst the lost, and reasons on contempt
And with that final glance, his own life he did attempt

Now the memories wilted and flies frolic from their refuge
We come to the conclusion and note the moral deluge
This man did come from afar, and lost his soul for you
With this in mind and knowledge at hand what do you intend to do

[hillwalker]

There's a lot of dark imagery in this - as if death is both envious of and mocking man's mortality. Probably the most imaginitive of the 3.
I just wonder whether you are becoming constrained by the need to rhyme (especially noticeable in the last 2 lines of verse 3).

And just a point of protocol - there is a limit of 1 new posting per day on this thread to avoid other freshly posted poems being bumped onto page 2 without a fair chance of being read (see Instructions).

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Three? did I miss one? think you could survive a femme fatal. enjoyed the two... still searching... is that the hidden meaning ?
best wishes
Jerry

[loki456]

hey sorry about that hill... boring night at work, just sat down and spewed forth some words and didn't keep to the instructions - my bad.... don't really write poetry, not at all my forte. and you are absolutely right, the rhyming scheme does limit me, but like i said, never wrote poetry before, and chose the simplest scheme i could think of haha.

thanks guys for the feed back, just some mischievous dribble from thy mouth.