BUNKING DOUBLE GYM
Imprisoned in this cubicle
the smell of wee and cigarettes
‘Advanced Techniques’ and toilet duck
that weeping cistern on the wall
My eyes clamped shut
I contemplate each heartbeat
running through us both like wiring
palpitating as you scent the sea perhaps
a flood of brine
my insides out
A tiny jellyfish of red
reeled in to land
and laid to rest in my adidas bag
with all my other junk
my tic-tacs and my chap-stick
my pencil case and tamagotchi
Dad tried to drown some kittens once
a home-brew fermentation tub
the brick inside the sack
I held my breath then held it under
‘til the gargling bubbles rose no more
And now that squawking bell for double gym
it sets my teeth on edge
I hang around the changing rooms with Emo May
who had verrucas
waiting for another suicidal day to end
I dump it in that rubbish skip
outside ‘Miss Selfridge’
stepping into ‘Mothercare’
to say one prayer before I leave
Then in my bedroom late at night
my teddy-bear hot-water bottle clamped between my thighs
I draw an entry in my diary
a special picture for today
the 5th of May
a tiny doodle of an alien
H