The girl that was in here yesterday and
she twirled her hair, thinks into space
pointing toes, tip of tongue
shoots out
'Latte to go!' shouted in background, that
will hurt your voice.
The girl that was in here yesterday
has thin eyebrows
and leather shoes
a black leather jacket
and a green scarf, with faded blue
jeans, and no hand grenade,
stopped twirling her hair
after entering the room.
'Long black to go!' picked up, and strode off.
Interestingly drawn vignette of a moment in a coffee house - some arresting images, especially the observation that she has no hand grenade (implying her demeanour is quite threatening perhaps).
H
Silas Thorne, great to have you back writing poetry. this is a strange piece. very good. thanks for sharing
'For sale: baby shoes, never worn'. Hemingway
How wonderfully this is set out and restrains from saying anything more than the mystery of that sui generis moment
I really like the mystery of this Silas.
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
Amazing Silas.
I might only change
V2L2 to: "with thin eyebrows"
Good to have you back.
...peace...
"Remember, we are all in this alone." - Lilly Tomlin
Thanks all for commenting!
Yes, well that's all it is really.Originally Posted by hillwalker
Always been writing poetry, breathtest. I'll only occasionally drop stuff in here (blog or poetry section) though. Just playing around with this one, using it as a wordflow experiment in style to further develop.
Exactly.Yes, says little more than what it is. Not sure if there's much mystery and wonder apart from that though.
No editing in this one, just an instant thoughtflow, ...unedited....hack's comment makes perfect sense, if I was going to edit.
Yes, the 'with', may have been much better, thanks hack. Good spotting. Although there's something which excites me about screwing up the grammar.
Oh. My computer at home can't open on litnet,keeps saying can't get the webpage. Don't know why, maybe it's just ****ed.
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