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Thread: Residual Pain

  1. #1
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Residual Pain

    Cursory Father
    ration book man of affection
    and a whole pack short
    of Happy Families
    I see you give your lovers child
    a dizzy wizzy in the park
    on a spring afternoon

    That's the view from my side
    This road where
    logistical nightmares get dumped
    Read the no entry path
    to my heart
    weep as you unload and move on
    From my stone kerb
    I watch you thrive
    Come feel the cool touch
    of walled up hope engulf me
    Last edited by Delta40; 09-20-2010 at 06:58 PM.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  2. #2
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    Delta, there seems to be some real hurt in here, a real sense of betrayal, bordering on hatred. (Destructive, but hard to avoid sometimes!)

    I found myself almost wide-eyed with astonishment at the power in here, and the sense of despair in the last two lines. I so hope, for your sake, that it's fictitious!
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  3. #3
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    I'm with Dafy: it's a deeply painful & pain-filled poem, but so strong in its expression. brava!

  4. #4
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    It's a despairing glimpse of life and its cruel realities - presumably from a child's eye view?

    For such a short poem it is crammed with memorable lines - the entire scenario best summed up in

    'That's the view from my side/of the road'

    H

  5. #5
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    I like this powerful words in stool this peom, their great saddness from 3rd line in v1 to end and I imagine alone child sitting on kerb just wait their father anyone to take notice.

    Great poem.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  6. #6
    riding a cosmic vortex MystyrMystyry's Avatar
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    Saddest of all I've read all day, Delta

    Very very very good







    And amazing - very amazing

  7. #7
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Thanks MM. It is one of my favourites.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  8. #8
    an organized mess
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    Wonderfully horrible, Delta. Very nice job.

  9. #9
    King of Dreams MorpheusSandman's Avatar
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    This is a tremendously powerful piece. One more stanza would probably have been too much to bear. Above everything else, I love how you manage to make it incredibly emotional without even getting close to melodrama, hyperbole, or affectation. It reads as something really raw and genuine, which makes it all the more powerful. Excellent.
    "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." --Carl Gustav Jung

    "To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due." --Neil Gaiman; The Sandman Vol. 4: Season of Mists

    "I'm on my way, from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" --The Proclaimers

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