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Thread: pulverize

  1. #1
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    pulverize


    pulverize


    she’s going to stay with mom
    every daughter does
    when they leave
    their husbands
    but then her mom...
    mom died when she was
    sixteen

    he is ALL
    she’s got


    she checked into Hudson
    an off Broadway boutique hotel
    where its cocktail lounge floats
    psychedelically on a lit glass floor

    under stark white bedsheets
    she felt around for him
    he’s supposed to be here
    he is not here

    she can’t breathe
    without him


    so it became clear
    crystal clear...

    tomorrow
    she will check out at noon
    or when the meds wear off
    whichever comes first

    tomorrow
    she will take the E train
    go ten stops downtown

    tomorrow
    when he gets off work
    she will be there
    in the lobby
    where they first met
    in the elevator
    going up 98 floors

    tomorrow
    she will walk into him
    melt into him

    but she did not know
    there will be no train service
    no lobby no elevator no building
    no tomorrow

    she will have
    no body


    she did not know that
    when she falls into a deep sleep
    on the night of September tenth
    two thousand one

    Last edited by Haunted; 09-15-2010 at 06:25 PM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  2. #2
    Jai Keshava NikolaiI's Avatar
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    oh it's so beautiful dear, so beautiful yet so sad.

    i think anyone who reads this has to be moved.
    Last edited by NikolaiI; 09-12-2010 at 11:22 PM.

  3. #3
    Registered User angliholic's Avatar
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    It's hauntingly beautiful yet sad!
    I love this piece so much!

    Try to live in harmony with people and nature


  4. #4
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    I like this, because its another NYC story. I am not crazy about the name, but I guess it is appropriate.

  5. #5
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    thanks Nik, I felt as though you're the first responder here, very comforting

    thanks Ang for your kind words

    Jersea, thanks for your comment, glad you like a NYC story. I didn't like the title either, it's not a pretty title, but its not a pretty poem either. Don't want to gross anyone out but in the explosions and the subsequent collapse of the towers, some people were pulverized. There is no trace of them. So some families and she has no body [to bury], and she has no body [nobody] because he is all she's got and he's now gone forever. Hope that makes sense.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  6. #6
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    we never know our fate. I like the personal portrait you painted here.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  7. #7
    Jai Keshava NikolaiI's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haunted View Post
    thanks Nik, I felt as though you're the first responder here, very comforting
    As I was thinking about this, and something else you wrote, this quote from The Brothers Karamazov came to mind. It's from a chapter of the Talks and Homilies of Father Zosimov, a saintly monk in the novel.

    'Remember also: every day and whenever you can, repeat within yourself: "Lord, have mercy upon all who come before you today." For every hour and every moment thousands of people leave their life on this earth, and their souls come before the Lord--and so many of them part with the earth in isolation, unknown to anyone, in sadness and sorrow that no one will mourn for them, or even know whether they had lived or not. And so, perhaps from the other end of the earth, your prayer for his repose will rise up to the Lord, though you did nto know him at all, nor he you. How moving it is for his soul, coming in fear before the Lord, to feel at that moment that someone is praying for him, too, that there is still a human being on earth who loves him. And God, too, will look upon you both with more mercy, for if even you so pitied him, how much more will he who is infinitely more merciful and loving than you are. And he will forgive him for your sake.'

    (from Google books, not sure if this link will come up http://books.google.com/books?id=z1k...0place&f=false k it seems to have - the above quote is a little above that place...)

  8. #8
    Death awaits...
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    Oh dear haunted. A thousand stories in one dear. You painted such a sad but true picture of the loss and suffering of 9/11. Even now.

  9. #9
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Thanks Delta. Probably a good thing that we dont...


    Mary my dear, a thousand stories indeed.


    Quote Originally Posted by NikolaiI View Post
    As I was thinking about this, and something else you wrote, this quote from The Brothers Karamazov came to mind. It's from a chapter of the Talks and Homilies of Father Zosimov, a saintly monk in the novel.

    'Remember also: every day and whenever you can, repeat within yourself: "Lord, have mercy upon all who come before you today." For every hour and every moment thousands of people leave their life on this earth, and their souls come before the Lord--and so many of them part with the earth in isolation, unknown to anyone, in sadness and sorrow that no one will mourn for them, or even know whether they had lived or not. And so, perhaps from the other end of the earth, your prayer for his repose will rise up to the Lord, though you did nto know him at all, nor he you. How moving it is for his soul, coming in fear before the Lord, to feel at that moment that someone is praying for him, too, that there is still a human being on earth who loves him. And God, too, will look upon you both with more mercy, for if even you so pitied him, how much more will he who is infinitely more merciful and loving than you are. And he will forgive him for your sake.'
    yes I did. There are those unaccounted for, those who have not been reported missing because there's no one in their lives to report them missing. This quote is as though written for them. Thanks Nik for remembering them.
    Last edited by Haunted; 09-13-2010 at 04:36 AM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  10. #10
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    What a terrific tragedy - how one small action, leaving temporarily, can wreck lives. It's a really touching, sad piece, beautifully written. Well done, well done.
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  11. #11
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    A great poem that focuses on one tiny, insignificant life which makes everything surrounding it seem more real.

    The way you describe her day in such detail brought her to life for me which makes the ending much more poignant (handled more sensationally it could have come across as desperate - but this doesn't)

    My only niggle (and yes, I do have one) is

    but then her mom...
    mom died when she was
    sixteen


    which does sound like a desperate pluck at the reader's heartstrings. Considering you do such a great job with the rest of the poem perhaps this information could be conveyed more subtly.....

    Otherwise I would have to say this is certainly one of your best

    H

  12. #12
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    I keep trying hard not to think of how awful this is, but I keep coming back to the poem, it is truly haunting - no pun, no joke. It really is one of bits of work that keeps flooding back.
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  13. #13
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haunted View Post

    pulverize


    she’s going to stay with mom
    every daughter does
    when they leave
    their husbands
    but then her mom...
    mom died when she was
    sixteen

    he is ALL
    she’s got


    she checked into Hudson
    an off Broadway boutique hotel
    where its cocktail lounge floats
    psychedelically on a lit glass floor

    between ironed bedsheets
    she felt around for him
    he’s supposed to be here
    yet he is not

    she can’t breathe
    without him


    so it became clear
    crystal clear...

    tomorrow
    she will check out at noon
    or when the meds wear off
    whichever comes first

    tomorrow
    she will take the E train
    go ten stops downtown

    tomorrow
    when he gets off work
    she will be there
    in the lobby
    where they first met
    /as strangers/ in the elevator (I think as strangers is unnecessary)
    going up 98 floors

    tomorrow
    she will walk into him
    melt into him


    till this S the poem flew beautifully, it built up to something which IMVHO (in my very humble opinion) should be strongly climatic and less obvious than

    but she did not know
    there will be no train service
    no lobby no elevator no building
    no tomorrow

    she will have
    no body


    she did not know any of that
    when she fell aleep just before midnight
    on September tenth
    two thousand one

    I don't know exactly what to suggest, but I'd go for something showing, short, interrupted...

    On the whole, a valuable and subtle tribute, Haunted. Thanks a lot



    Last edited by Bar22do; 09-13-2010 at 07:56 AM.

  14. #14
    Death awaits...
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    Quote Originally Posted by dafydd manton View Post
    I keep trying hard not to think of how awful this is, but I keep coming back to the poem, it is truly haunting - no pun, no joke. It really is one of bits of work that keeps flooding back.
    Yes... This is true... I close my eyes and get flashbacks of the rubble and debris and the sorrow on the faces of those that lost.

  15. #15
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Dafy, no doubt you can relate to this, you have your London version. Mary said it so well, when you think back all you see are the faces of loss and indescribable anguish.


    Hill, you can have more than one niggle! I'll try to find another way to say it, I don't want to take it out, what I wanted to say is, many goes back to their parents in this bad situation, but even that for her is wishful thinking...


    Bar, I know I know! It was a subtle but punchy ending originally, but then I wasn't sure if that's clear enough without talking about the desvastation. Let me look at it again. Thanks for pointing that out!!
    Last edited by Haunted; 09-13-2010 at 11:11 AM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

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