My Hands

[Abras]

Oh, no! At first I thought it was going to be a poem I could really relate to: 20 lines on your own inadequacy. But then you had to go and write about all those things your hands have done, and so pump yourself up and culminate in a sugary-sweet last line, when just looking at your hands and writing about them would have sufficed.

[dafydd manton]

A touching poem.

If I might chance a small critique:

Re: the two 'too's I would suggest combining the above L2 & L3 into one sentence, divided by a comma, and drop the second 'too'; as an example:

But they have held a pen, too.
They have worked hard,
and played hard.

(Alert, remaining nimble to avoid the flames)
Sincerely,
tailor STATELY

Good point, young Zur! I shall amend forthwith. Thanks for that.

Oh, no! At first I thought it was going to be a poem I could really relate to: 20 lines on your own inadequacy. But then you had to go and write about all those things your hands have done, and so pump yourself up and culminate in a sugary-sweet last line, when just looking at your hands and writing about them would have sufficed.

Ah, I don't like doing personal inadequacies, I'm not convinced that anybody is going to care enough. If, on the other hand, just one person, one particular person, relates to this, never mind all the friends on here, I'm winning. Thanks for the input!

[Jerrybaldy]

Although I am not that particular person, I may scrape in on the friends list and I definitely related.

[dafydd manton]

Oh, you scrape kid, you scrape. (And you're dead right, you ain't that person. Wrong gender!)

[Jerrybaldy]

I figured you were straight Daf. (pinches Dafs bum and runs away looking over shoulder shouting 'chase me, chase me' )

[dafydd manton]

They don't call me "Ducky" for nothing!!!! (I charge.)

[Maryd.]

Ok, now I am worried...

[dafydd manton]

(It's all a front to confuse Jerry. Actually, I'm a red-blooded virile male with bulging (muscles) and a huge (overdraft)).

[Maryd.]

Ah, er, sure... I believes you (winks)

[dafydd manton]

They call it a euphemism!

[Jerrybaldy]

I supply my evidence your honour
1/ He used to have a moustache, since copied by the Village people
2/ He likes poetry
3/ He likes to be called Duck
4/ me thinks the man protesteth too much

I rest my case. Daffy will have a babycham

[dafydd manton]

With a cherry!

[Jerrybaldy]

Goodnight Daf and Mary

[dafydd manton]

Cheers, Jer. Kip well! Do excuse us, we have things to do................

[Maryd.]

Night Jerry...
Walk this way Daffy.... waddle, waddle, waddle...