The Continuing Adventures of French Sailor
By
Steven Hunley
Jean Paul the aforementioned French Sailor was running out of things to eat. He wanted something he hadn’t had in a long time, a crepe Suzette. But he knew from experience, and believe me he had experience, that there were none available in Quebec. Not one. He felt sorry for himself.
“Pourqoi moi?” (why me?) thought Jean Paul, for he thought in French.
But a solution appeared nearly as fast as the problem. He booked passage on the Queen Mary to LeHarve. He would find a good crepe in France.
The voyage over left French Sailor with little to do, and time on his hands. So in the hold of the ship, where there was room for such things, he built a time machine, a skill that many French sailors possess but talk little about, for reasons of security.
When he reached LeHarve, the machine caused tremendous problems with the customs officials. They insisted it was built in the United States and should be taxed. The captain pointed out that it was not on the cargo manifesto, and must have been constructed by Jean Paul as claimed. Finally the red tape was overcome by a bottle of red wine (chardonnay) which was consumed by all with great relish. Jean Paul placed his machine in the trunk of his rented Citroen, where it was such a tight fit he complained,
“Mon auto est plus petite.” (my car is too small)
He proceeded to Nantes to find a good crepe. There he rented a garage.
Before setting out to see the sights he gave the time machine a spin, a trial run so to speak. Nothing seemed to happen. He decided to go out on the street to check the time in the nearby clock tower.
“Quel heure est-il?” (what time is it?) he wondered in French.
On the street he ran into a man named Jules, who was lost in thought and didn’t pay attention to where he was going. To apologize Jules took him to lunch, where they ate crepes until they were full. Then they went out for a walk.
“Venez avec moi,” (come with me) Jules said.
He did.
First they went from the earth to the moon, though the initial shock of being shot from a canon nearly knocked French Sailor from his seat. Fortunately he’d fastened his seatbelt. When they got back and announced that the moon was not made of Swiss cheese as previously thought, but of Gruyere, it rocked the scientists at the Academie Francaise. Still, French astronomers were pleased with their findings. They now view the moon as a source of national pride.
Then they went around the world in seventy-nine days and set another record to win a bet. This was followed by a trip beneath the waves in Jules’ submarine boat, which lasted some 20,000 leagues, however far that is. Here however, Jean Paul became ill proclaiming,
“Je suis le mal de mar,” (I'm sea-sick) which is a common enough complaint among the sailors of France.
Finally, Jean Paul the French Sailor had had enough.
“C’est tout,” (that's all) he announced and returned to Quebec on the next ship.
Where will he go next, this French Sailor? He was sure to have more adventures, because a man has to eat and he is a man that’s for sure.
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