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Thread: I Felt Like a Newborn

  1. #1
    mazHur mazHur's Avatar
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    Smile I Felt Like a Newborn


    I felt like a newborn baby
    that breathed fresh air in the open
    like his mother's milk;
    I felt growing like a child
    entering kindergarten
    fresh and tidy like a budding rose
    i felt as if I had again gone
    physically down the time tunnel
    full of life and spirit
    young and handsome
    glanced at for a look by girls
    I felt the breeze, the drizzle, the rain
    and the smell of red roses
    How rejuvenated it all made me feel
    BUT for a while only
    Until I light my cigarette next
    and drag the poison in!
    Last edited by mazHur; 08-25-2010 at 02:10 AM.
    ===============-
    When asked how World War III would be fought, Einstein replied that he didn't know. But he knew how World War IV would be fought: With sticks and stones.
    -(:===============

  2. #2
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    I'm stumped by the last 2 lines... should it be:
    "Until I light my next cigarette
    and drag the poison in!"

    Is my interpretation off?

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  3. #3
    mazHur mazHur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haunted View Post
    I'm stumped by the last 2 lines... should it be:
    "Until I light my next cigarette
    and drag the poison in!"

    Is my interpretation off?
    thanks, you are correct that was one of the effects of over smoking !!
    I will change it accordingly..
    ===============-
    When asked how World War III would be fought, Einstein replied that he didn't know. But he knew how World War IV would be fought: With sticks and stones.
    -(:===============

  4. #4
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Maz, this is such a refreshing piece with the best anti-smoke message ever delivered in poetry form. I wonder if you even need the last line, it may be even more impactful to end with just lighting the cigarette. Just a thought

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  5. #5
    mazHur mazHur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haunted View Post
    Maz, this is such a refreshing piece with the best anti-smoke message ever delivered in poetry form. I wonder if you even need the last line, it may be even more impactful to end with just lighting the cigarette. Just a thought
    haunt, I deeply appreciate and thank you for your esteemed comment... makes me kinda flatter!!

    Actually I wrote these lines after I began to choke with over-smoking last night. It was all extempore...

    I agree that removing the last line might give the poem an awesome ending....and a message tooo...will check out. thanks for the suggestion.

    Have been smoking for decades....still smoke more than 50/day...which is half what i used to heave in younger days. Now I feel I cannot take more of them..... I begin to get choked .,..and occasionally huff....seems my lungs are done!!hehe
    ===============-
    When asked how World War III would be fought, Einstein replied that he didn't know. But he knew how World War IV would be fought: With sticks and stones.
    -(:===============

  6. #6
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    so it's really you in your avatar
    Now you got me worried, please cut back and stay well!!!

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  7. #7
    mazHur mazHur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haunted View Post
    so it's really you in your avatar
    Now you got me worried, please cut back and stay well!!!
    No, it's not me but just a 'symbolic' picture of mine!

    Thanks, I will try to cut down on tobacco...but the damn addiction doesn't let me go!!
    ===============-
    When asked how World War III would be fought, Einstein replied that he didn't know. But he knew how World War IV would be fought: With sticks and stones.
    -(:===============

  8. #8
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Hi Maz
    I agree with Haunted (maybe they could fit your lines on the side of the packets). Nice work
    Jerry

  9. #9
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    It's your subconscious telling you to cut down.... a very enjoyable poem with a touch of regret skillfully included. I also think the last line is better left out - let the reader reach their own conclusion.

    H

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