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Thread: Oh Father, Oh Father

  1. #1
    The Skinny Lad adityasam's Avatar
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    Jul 2010

    Arrow Oh Father, Oh Father

    <center><img src="" alt="Oh Father, Oh Father"/></center>

    Oh Father, Oh Father
    You took me into your hands when i was born
    You played ball with me in the backyard lawn
    You sang to me, to make me sleep
    You gave me everything and i did not weep
    Oh Father, Oh Father
    But when i was 15, you were strict
    And i wanted to break you like a brick
    But only when i was one did i realize
    You were like that for me to be nice
    Oh Father, Oh Father
    When you were old, i did frown
    But when you died, i did drown
    In sadness and grief, And i was blown
    Into your memories with me, Now all alone, All alone
    Oh Father, Oh Father
    Last edited by adityasam; 07-21-2010 at 11:19 AM.

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Blog Entries
    Hi and thanks for posting this poem. Is this your original work? if so It belongs in the personal poetry thread. You'll get more viewings and responses there. This is good.

    One thing though, lose the emoticon. Let the work speak for itself. The reader doesn't need you to tell him how to feel when he reads it

    Emoticons are fine in casual chat and descussions about things. Anyway, this one is in the wrong place... its not at the end of the poem or even at the beginning.

    Generally I'm not a fan of putting images up with poems. It puts an idea in the head of the viewer and detracts from the images painted by the poem. Of course, this is just my opinion. Other people may think differently.

    Again this is a good poem and thanks for sharing. H

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    I agree the personal poetry thread would elicit more responses if you are looking for feedback, assuming this is your original work.

    If I am mistaken, you may stop reading here.

    The second stanza, if you will, is a bit awkward and the line with the brick seems contrived for a rhyme.

    Also, I wonder at your choice of using the word "But" to begin the 13th line when it seems to go with the line above it.

    Thank you for posting the poem; its emotion and memory/some regret/feeling of loss shows through.

    Please take my comments with a grain of salt, they are only the first impressions of the first reading.

    Keep on writing!
    I'd rather have questions that I can't answer than answers that I can't question.

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