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Thread: The art in Samuel’s garden

  1. #1
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    The art in Samuel’s garden



    What is the art in Samuel’s garden?
    The north wind blows, the seasons
    come and go in his neighbour’s garden,
    as in his.

    But when Samuel looks out at his garden
    every bloom is a vignette
    that contains a moment of blessedness.
    Last edited by PrinceMyshkin; 07-15-2010 at 11:14 AM. Reason: Change from past to present tense in V 1

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    I love this one, Prince, but it cries out to be longer

    Live and be well H

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    This one is very well done, the final line really hits you with meaning and profundity.

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    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Thank you, Alexander III, and Hawkman:

    Quote Originally Posted by Hawkman View Post
    I love this one, Prince, but it cries out to be longer

    Live and be well H
    It may cry its poor heart out but, at the risk of great arrogance, would you criticize a "moment of blessedness" for not lasting longer than it did? My hope was that the rapidly arrived at "blessedness" came like an ambush, in which there is neither the time nor the circumstance for negotiation or explanation.


    PS Please note, I've made what is for me a significant change in the last line from "memory" to moment.
    Last edited by PrinceMyshkin; 07-15-2010 at 11:16 AM.

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    I thought I replied to this yesterday, but I guess it didn't go through.

    Couple of "thoughts" (I use the term loosely) which your poem evoked in me:

    The old proverb is "cleanliness is next to Godliness," but there is something almost heavenly about being close to the earth, touching and working one's fingers through the silky soil. I read a recent on-line article which said that getting dirty (in the literal sense) can stave off depression. Also, it can help build up immunities; currently parents are being told not to depend on commercial cleaning products that call themselves "anti-bacterial" nor to get so paranoid about their kids' adventures in natural sand and dirt. I don't know about that, but I do know I miss my garden. Lucky "Samuel"!

    I love the word choice of "vignette." When we see the word these days we usually see it in the context of an anecdote or maybe a little playlet. Yet the original meaning was that it is a minature painting or drawing, often a caricature or cartoon. I was reminded of that while reading a novel by your fellow countryman, Robertson Davies.

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    All are at the crossroads qimissung's Avatar
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    What a tender offering, Prince. Samuel was indeed blessed.
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai
    "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka

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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    Thank you, Alexander III, and Hawkman:


    It may cry its poor heart out but, at the risk of great arrogance, would you criticize a "moment of blessedness" for not lasting longer than it did? My hope was that the rapidly arrived at "blessedness" came like an ambush, in which there is neither the time nor the circumstance for negotiation or explanation.


    PS Please note, I've made what is for me a significant change in the last line from "memory" to moment.
    Hi Prince

    I did say I liked it and wanting more is no crime, even if you're Oliver Twist. Wouldn't you say that declaring a moment of blessedness was telling and not showing? I wonder what B/V will have to say...

    Personally I don't mind telling but I felt that the admirable sentiment expressed had a beginning and an ending but was a bit short on middle. You once criticised one of my poems for not bing long enough I recall I think I may have made a similar response in saying, "...well that's all there is." So I sympathise with your position, but from a subjective standpoint and on this occasion, I would have liked to be able to read a little more of the noble Myshkin.

    Live and be well, H

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    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Hello Prince
    as i read your poem Mr Cohen was singing alleluah. You seemed in synch.
    cheers
    JB

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    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Thanks, AuntShecky, qimissung, Jerrybaldly, and as for you,

    Quote Originally Posted by Hawkman View Post
    Wouldn't you say that declaring a moment of blessedness was telling and not showing? I wonder what B/V will have to say...

    Personally I don't mind telling but I felt that the admirable sentiment expressed had a beginning and an ending but was a bit short on middle. You once criticised one of my poems for not bing long enough I recall I think I may have made a similar response in saying, "...well that's all there is." So I sympathise with your position, but from a subjective standpoint and on this occasion, I would have liked to be able to read a little more of the noble Myshkin.

    my disputatious friend, I have to agree that "blessedness" is telling rather than showing, though the problem didn't occur to me at the time. In retrospect, however, I find myself very hard-pressed to think how I might show "blessedness..."
    "You must be the change you want to see in the world." Gandhi

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    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Forgive me my tweek of your fine poem:

    What is the art in Samuel’s garden ?
    The north wind blows, the seasons
    come and go, as on his neighbour’s
    flowered grounds.

    But when Samuel looks out
    upon his efflorescence
    every bloom is a vignette
    containing a moment of blessedness.
    .
    .
    .
    Garden seemed repetitive, and though I know throwing in a $5 word when one for a quarter will do is not always the way to good poetry there is a symmetry in the union of 'efflorescence' and 'blessedness' that I find charming.
    .
    my niggle with "efflorescence" is that it does have a negative denotation when not pertaining to flowers; see Definition of 'efflorescence'... but who would know ?

    Sincerely,
    :tailor STATELY
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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    flung (but not far) hack's Avatar
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    Perhaps Samuel should allow that blessings
    might extend beyond the fence.
    "Remember, we are all in this alone." - Lilly Tomlin

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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    Thanks, AuntShecky, qimissung, Jerrybaldly, and as for you,




    my disputatious friend, I have to agree that "blessedness" is telling rather than showing, though the problem didn't occur to me at the time. In retrospect, however, I find myself very hard-pressed to think how I might show "blessedness..."
    I guess you could dish out some halos

    best, H

  13. #13
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Thanks Hack, Hawkman and, Taylor:

    I appreciate your involvement with this poem but

    Quote Originally Posted by tailor STATELY View Post
    Garden seemed repetitive, and though I know throwing in a $5 word when one for a quarter will do is not always the way to good poetry there is a symmetry in the union of 'efflorescence' and 'blessedness' that I find charming.

    Sincerely,
    :tailor STATELY
    I quite agree with you about the high price of "efflorescence." I won't use it here because a) I try to use everyday words as much as possible and b) in its manifest poeticness it would seem to me to take away in advance the rush I hoped to provide via "blessedness."

  14. #14
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Your discernment is just and correct (not that you needed me to say so).

    Thank you for your wonderful poem.
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  15. #15
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tailor STATELY View Post
    Your discernment is just and correct (not that you needed me to say so).

    Thank you for your wonderful poem.
    And thank you both for your original comment and for this one.

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