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Thread: House/ House revisited which one?

  1. #1
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    House/ House revisited which one?

    Air mystery surround the house, on more closer look it was run down, half falling down 2 storey house with broken windows and finally the front door was hang by one rusty old hinge with just enough direct of wind it would quite is fall off the hinge.

    As I creep down the path, through over grown garden, I glance up that 2 floor window and notice shadow move across the glass which still in frame. I stop to think whether should carry on with my request to see if this house was worth saved.

    I march up to the front door, give loud knock to see if anyone here but instead I heard scurrying or maybe footsteps up above and yet no answer. I take deep breath, put brave face but stern look my face, to the left I see the stairs some had holes in it. I put best foot forward as phrase go, start to climb the stairs and hold on tight to rail which was only thing in tact.

    1st bedroom had lavender on walls, smell mould, the carpet which wore way near door got wet from roof leak. Out corner of eye I saw little twitch of sort, I move slow to look behind old vanity table which to surprise I find medium size, fluffy white rabbit with red and babies to.

    I call the RSPCA to fetch the Rabbits family and decide that house worth saved after all.



    House Revisited
    Air mystery surround the house, on more closer look it was run down, half falling down 2 storey house with broken windows and finally the front door was hang by one rusty old hinge with just enough direct of wind it would quite is fall off the hinge.

    As I creep down the path, through over grown garden, I glance up that 2 floor window and notice shadow move across the glass which still in frame. I stop to think whether should carry on with my request to see if this house was worth saved.

    I march up to the front door, give loud knock to see if anyone here but instead I heard scurrying or maybe footsteps up above and yet no answer. I take deep breath, put brave face but stern look my face, to the left I see the stairs some had holes in it. I put best foot forward as phrase go, start to climb the stairs and hold on tight to rail which was only thing in tact.

    1st bedroom had lavender on walls, smell mould, the carpet which wore way near door got wet from roof leak. Out corner of eye I saw little twitch of sort, I move slow to look behind old vanity table which to surprise I find skeleton with brown sparrow, who instant flew out of broke window. I have good round in lavender room, get strange sense that something is as it should be and breeze rush past me and I get chill also in corner to my right there seem to be discolour bathrobe, distinctive look like it was orange that one point in it lifetime.

    Start my only mini investigation in the house, I wonder to next bedroom which has dark pink walls, medium pink carpet but on opposite wall to the door there seem fingers print shapes in dark red, on more inspection I soon discovered that in dry blood in lead to the door.

    Backed away from droplets of red liquid on the wall, suddenly the rail was against my body, move ever closer to bathroom.

    Bathroom wall were light green colour with cream flooring by now it look like slaughter's work shop with water mixing with blood very shallow this in bath but down blood spill over edge on the floor, spa-ting up the wall toward the ceiling with rusting old kitchen knife, catch sun rays through the hole in roof.

    With that I turn round ran fast as feet with carrying before they giving away down stairs past the front door which now on porch.
    After giving some thought that I would purchase this house for own family but never tell them now I got it so cheap.


    Which version is best 1 or 2 & way? I know my grammar need attention.
    Last edited by zoolane; 07-01-2010 at 04:11 PM.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  2. #2
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    I think 2 because it shows how much more effort you put into it.....

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