Ah you cheeky, you! Isn't it great when such a short piece can tell such a big tale. Well done again my friend.
Ah you cheeky, you! Isn't it great when such a short piece can tell such a big tale. Well done again my friend.
Prince, Hill, Mary, as always I appreciated your comments!
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
That sounds a far better christmas than having him, haunted, as he will let you down, screw you over and leave your neck on a railway line. Before you know where you are you will be driving like a woman possessed.
John reckons Jane deserves more .
x
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
Well restrained and effective, Haunted. The ending opens the poem out nicely and works well.
I might suggest adding a full stop or other punctuation mark after 'mirror' in the last stanza to make the reader pause before the last line is delivered. And should line 6 start: has been cleared?
Otherwise, a concise, well-written piece.
Jerry, what makes you think that I'm not already driving like a woman possessed?
btw welcome back. John has spoken and Jane is pleased.
b/v, thanks for your comment, it does look like some punctuation or separation is necessary after "mirror". I'm not big on punctuation so I broke it off into it's own stanza. As for "has been cleared", it's too wordy for my ears, and "ice's been cleared" looks and sounds ugly with the apostrophe. So I'm just going to leave as is. (That also happens to be how some of us talk on this side of the pond.)
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
I am sure you only ever drive possessed with no wipers no matter the weather and a screwdriver on the dashboard...
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
I love your zingers at the end! Well done, good and faithful poet.
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
"Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka
Jerry, about the screwdriver on the dashboard, you just gave me an idea for a poem. I hope I still remember to write it after the screwdriver wears off.
Qim, I live and breath zingers, so glad you enjoyed them!
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
A Short Collection of Trashy Poems
introduction
D22 westbound
Victoria’s other secret
paper chase
love story
forcast
overnight snow
the little dancer
his green eyes
September 2nd
existence
dinner date
don't take my baby
car talk
Google Earth
dead on
postmarked 1948
My name is Jane
all I ever want for Christmas
hazardous driving
of cat and men (a Christmas poem)
the anesthesiologist
Adam's apple pie
honesty
Last edited by Haunted; 01-31-2011 at 12:22 PM.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
fashionably speaking
I feel safe going out
with my Steve Madden
combat boots are necessities
’cos everyday could be war
but tonight looking sideways
at two emptied wine glasses
I’m just gonna pull them off
dangle my feet over the side
of the posh lip shaped sofa
and call for a truce
Last edited by Haunted; 12-15-2010 at 12:25 PM.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
I have to admit I had to look up who/what Steve Madden is...
Another fine one girl... You keep all these good poems up... I may have to move to America to be with my favourite poet.
I love the narrative casualness of this and especially the kind of impromptu last four lines.
I love the sly theme of 'combat' that kicks off the piece and also neatly concludes it - is love not a battle fought between the sheets?
There's so much eroticism within the phrase posh lip shaped sofa given the context.
And to surrender so meekly after some vino! You're obviously a cheap date.
H :-)
Mary, I'm going to crank up the poem machine, book your flight now!
Prince, thanks. Yeah, formal somehow just doesn't go with Steve Madden.
Hill, say it isn't so! It's $300 a bottle...okay, $75, but still! Once again, your interpretation is right on the money
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
This is a worthwhile collection to tune into. Glad I did. You have an economical way of creating drama, great images (a little reminiscent of PaperLeaves) and arresting turns into the personal.
I'm definately a fan.
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