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Thread: A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

  1. #196
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Not to worry Prince, it's a soft splat

    Qim, thanks for gracing the thread with your comment, it means a ton.

    Wow Kittypaws, you know some neat trivia! Thanks too for the kind comments.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  2. #197
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    'Love story' is finding a new life. That makes me

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  3. #198
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Must be the magic of 1948

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  4. #199
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    dead on



    last I saw mom
    in the morgue
    her eyes were shut
    she doesn’t want to see
    the man she married
    ever again


    when my father passed
    his eyes were open
    still trying to figure out
    where it all went wrong


    growing up
    a psychic saw me and said
    kid your eyes...they don't match
    your mom and dad
    fight all the time, yes?
    Last edited by Haunted; 11-13-2010 at 11:34 PM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  5. #200
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    creepy!
    I love the meaning you attach to closed eyes and open eyes in death and the implication of your own outlook being skewed both ways. Well done Haunted.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  6. #201
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    The reference to each of the parents' eyes is extraordinary and powerful but would you consider ending just before these lines:

    your parents donít
    get along


    itís true
    eyes don't lie

    which feel anti-climactic and explanatory to me.

    Powerful poem!

  7. #202
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    I have to agree with Prince. I loved this poem when you entered it in the 'eyes don't lie' comp but now you are free to remove the quote..... if you want to, of course.

    H

  8. #203
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Delta, it creeped you out? ohhh. Welcome to my world.
    Thanks for the nice comment, much appreciated.

    Prince, yes I knew I overwrite, but that's so unlike me... but I do need "don't get along", that's the crux of the poem.

    Hill you're right, thanks! I was debating whether to end after "don't get along", that's the stinger, what comes after that is commentary. I'll chop it down now.
    Last edited by Haunted; 11-08-2010 at 02:11 PM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  9. #204
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Hi Haunted.
    This was a revisit for me as I must have read it when it was part of the competition that Hill mentioned.
    Your mum's eyes, your father's eyes, your eyes. Closed opened and mismatched. Clever stuff.
    I see you have changed the end and wondered if 'fight' should be 'fought' as they are deceased. But then again the last stanza could be before they died...

    Eyes still open trying to figure out where it all want wrong is truely memorable, Haunted, great stuff.
    cheers
    Jerry

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  10. #205
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Good point Jerry, I overlooked the timeline which seemed confusing. I reworked it slightly.


    dead on



    last I saw mom
    in the morgue
    her eyes were shut
    she doesnít want to see
    the man she married
    ever again


    when my father passed
    his eyes were open
    still trying to figure out
    where it all went wrong


    growing up
    a psychic saw me and said
    kid your eyes...they don't match
    your mom and dad
    fight all the time, yes?

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  11. #206
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Last edited by Haunted; 01-02-2011 at 11:53 AM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  12. #207
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    postmarked 1948



    he says it’s sacred
    so they must...must keep it
    their sweet little secret

    whenever she misses him
    she lays down on a bed of letters
    this is where he is
    when he is not here

    as soon as her eyes close
    she can feel the steel tip
    his love infused fountain pen
    pushing hard and harder
    into the exquisite stationery
    leaving one unmistakable
    pregnant chad

    afterwards she swoons over
    every trace of saliva he left
    on the linen envelopes
    each sealed with a lie
    Last edited by Haunted; 11-16-2010 at 12:58 PM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  13. #208
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    A poem truely worthy of its post marked date haunted. The bittersweetness and then the hit of the final line and the third stanza particularly, are soaked in the class of your own fountain pen. I had to look up 'chad'. To then come up with a pregnant chad, well all respect to you haunted.
    Brilliant
    Jerry

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  14. #209
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    Loved this for the imagery of her swooning on a bed of letters - and the final line when the reader sees the desperation of her situation even if she does not. And it's written so elegantly.....

    H

  15. #210
    Death awaits...
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    Sounds all too familiar Haunted... Nice one.

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