I like the 'locks' theme that starts with the deadbolt in v1 and ends with the door finally slamming itself shut in v5.
There's a lot left unsaid - a lot of gaps the reader is invited to fill in. Subtle, enigmatic. Like a film noir.
I like the 'locks' theme that starts with the deadbolt in v1 and ends with the door finally slamming itself shut in v5.
There's a lot left unsaid - a lot of gaps the reader is invited to fill in. Subtle, enigmatic. Like a film noir.
The only person I know that can write in Monochrome. The scene as the hotel door shuts is heart-wrenching.... As Hill said, film noir, the saddest, grainy, flickering...
Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk
My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!
Thanks Delta, glad you like the changing rhythm.
Hill, thanks for the nice comment! It's amazing you mentioned the locks, I almost dropped the last line but then I remember the reason it was there was because it encapsulates a rather special encounter.
Daf, how did you know, I'm monochromatic in many ways. I felt sad myself writing the end, but I'm not good at making things last.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
I especially liked #4 with the double entendre on "seconds" but think
will there be seconds
should be would there be seconds
thanks so much Prince, I changed it!
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
I too liked stanza four in particular. The double entendre pointed out by Prince followed by the further double meaning of 'what does your gut tell you?' I couldnt find the outcome in the final stanza, but then I guess mystery was your goal
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
Thanks Jerry, I had fun writing S4, being that I'm not good at all with dialogues. This is one of those "stories" that let you write your own ending. I guess it would be nice for the relationship to develop but when I was writing it, those words just wrote themselves. Not much surprise though coming from the queen of gloom and doom.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
don’t take my baby
it’s new year’s eve
there's an end to everything
outside
storm has moved out
just soft feathery residual flakes
inside
the blizzard is tear blinding
can I hold her
he nods
(even with the blanket she’s ice cold)
another hug
he nods
(she was once a big girl)
it’s the holidays
I know you want to get home but—
please
one last time
he nods
(she's just a baby)
caringly he took
her tiny emaciated body
her gray tabby tail
that ends in a black tip
hangs down like
an exclamation mark
~for Skippy~
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Hey darl... I feel you. I know how I felt when I lost my Brandy (Australian Terrier). Feel for your dear.
xo
Thanks Mary...and sorry about Brandy XO
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Hi haunted
You do so love your cats. Seeing as you mention new years eve I am hoping this is not a new loss. I particularly like your imagery in 'outside
storm has moved out
just soft feathery residual flakes'
Good to read some new haunted material, as always
jerry
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
This was very touching, Haunted. Not the kind of poem one associates with New Year's Eve - and you make the loss seem so visceral that no one who reads this can fail to feel some emotional blip on their radar.
H
Jerry, this one is two years ago. Skippy left a year before Apricot ("green eyes").
Thanks Hill for the comment. Yeah, those New Year's eve party days are so over for me.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Thank you Delta.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.