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Thread: A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

  1. #151
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    I like the 'locks' theme that starts with the deadbolt in v1 and ends with the door finally slamming itself shut in v5.

    There's a lot left unsaid - a lot of gaps the reader is invited to fill in. Subtle, enigmatic. Like a film noir.

  2. #152
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    The only person I know that can write in Monochrome. The scene as the hotel door shuts is heart-wrenching.... As Hill said, film noir, the saddest, grainy, flickering...
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  3. #153
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Thanks Delta, glad you like the changing rhythm.

    Hill, thanks for the nice comment! It's amazing you mentioned the locks, I almost dropped the last line but then I remember the reason it was there was because it encapsulates a rather special encounter.

    Daf, how did you know, I'm monochromatic in many ways. I felt sad myself writing the end, but I'm not good at making things last.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  4. #154
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    I especially liked #4 with the double entendre on "seconds" but think
    will there be seconds

    should be would there be seconds

  5. #155
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    thanks so much Prince, I changed it!

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  6. #156
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    I too liked stanza four in particular. The double entendre pointed out by Prince followed by the further double meaning of 'what does your gut tell you?' I couldnt find the outcome in the final stanza, but then I guess mystery was your goal

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  7. #157
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Thanks Jerry, I had fun writing S4, being that I'm not good at all with dialogues. This is one of those "stories" that let you write your own ending. I guess it would be nice for the relationship to develop but when I was writing it, those words just wrote themselves. Not much surprise though coming from the queen of gloom and doom.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  8. #158
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    donít take my baby


    itís new yearís eve
    there's an end to everything

    outside
    storm has moved out
    just soft feathery residual flakes

    inside
    the blizzard is tear blinding

    can I hold her
    he nods

    (even with the blanket sheís ice cold)

    another hug
    he nods

    (she was once a big girl)

    itís the holidays
    I know you want to get home butó
    please
    one last time

    he nods

    (she's just a baby)

    caringly he took
    her tiny emaciated body
    her gray tabby tail
    that ends in a black tip
    hangs down like
    an exclamation mark




    ~for Skippy~


    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  9. #159
    Death awaits...
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    Hey darl... I feel you. I know how I felt when I lost my Brandy (Australian Terrier). Feel for your dear.
    xo

  10. #160
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Thanks Mary...and sorry about Brandy XO

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  11. #161
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Hi haunted
    You do so love your cats. Seeing as you mention new years eve I am hoping this is not a new loss. I particularly like your imagery in 'outside
    storm has moved out
    just soft feathery residual flakes'
    Good to read some new haunted material, as always
    jerry

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  12. #162
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    This was very touching, Haunted. Not the kind of poem one associates with New Year's Eve - and you make the loss seem so visceral that no one who reads this can fail to feel some emotional blip on their radar.

    H

  13. #163
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Jerry, this one is two years ago. Skippy left a year before Apricot ("green eyes").

    Thanks Hill for the comment. Yeah, those New Year's eve party days are so over for me.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  14. #164
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haunted View Post

    donít take my baby


    itís new yearís eve
    there's an end to everything

    outside
    storm has moved out
    just soft feathery residual flakes

    inside
    the blizzard is tear blinding

    can I hold her
    he nods

    (even with the blanket sheís ice cold)

    another hug
    he nods

    (she was once a big girl)

    itís the holidays
    I know you want to get home butó
    please
    one last time

    he nods

    (she's just a baby)

    caringly he took
    her tiny emaciated body
    her gray tabby tail
    that ends in a black tip
    hangs down like
    an exclamation mark




    ~for Skippy~

    The last stanza is particularly heart breaking Haunted.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  15. #165
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Thank you Delta.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

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