I liked the last two lines about the terms of agreement.
I liked the last two lines about the terms of agreement.
Hawk, you called it, I was having mega problems with that stanza. Felt the same way about going nowhere, it's redundant after slow dancing, basically saying the same thing twice. Tightened the whole stanza. Hope that improved it… Thanks for the comment :=)
Qim, I'm glad you liked it, despite its many flaws. It's really just a trashy piece about two strangers in a business relationship that turns personal during the course of a dinner meeting. Trying to capture the strange dynamics in contentious negotiations and the kind of tension that arises. And yes, tried to create a mood too. At least that one worked, phew! I took out "but", actually changed the stanza quite a bit. The hair stanza is supposed to come out of nowhere, so just going to make it stand without a connector. Your input is solid, many thanks, AND it's really great to see you around more now!
Dieter, I most certainly listen to everything you have to say! In many cases my subjects are quite specific, so if people reading it are confused, then I must rewrite. I think it's better now, based on your comment and others', I knew what to tweak. Ohhhh did you say fan? Wowy! Must say it's mutual, I'm quite a fan of yours as well and it pleases me when I see a new D posting so keep them coming!
Dear Y/N, so nice that you graced this thread, your comment is much appreciated!
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Sublime Haunted. You don't post much these days but when you do its always worth the wait. You have developed a theme of relationships and usually their dark side and you play them out in metaphor and romance, here through burning business cards and a contrast of self hatred and the hatred of the would be suitor along side the burning of romance itself whilst also being hopelessly romantic in its telling. Love it.
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
JB, so kind! I made more changes since your commented. Hope it still works for you. Clink x
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
stranded
even when I haven't
gotten out of the chair
since we last spoke
and life has
abruptly stopped
my hair continues to grow
eclipsing my face
behind the frozen mask
there is a budding thought
of you bending down
and lifting a strand
out of the left eye
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Flawless, Spooky. So good to read you again.
Live and be well - H
I haven't learnt much. Who does? But I have learnt that Haunted posting something new is a litnet treat more than it deserves. You put so much into so few words. I love your writing .
didn't see yesterday that my dear haunted has "haunted" this place again! And I second Jerrybaldy: shouldn't have missed your entry yesterday; am glad I came back to discover this little gem. hope all's well with you, h. :-)
"Im Arm der Liebe schliefen wir selig ein…" ("Liebesode" - Otto Erich Hartleben)
New poetry collection available (Kindle and paperback)
Bump. A big bump. Not one of those little bumps. Oh no. A big one. On merit
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
Hawk, Jerry and Dieter, so glad to come back and be greeted with such lovely comments. Makes me want to hang around again!
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Didn't know you were back! I like the concluding couplet in #740.
Don't be a stranger.
Always love your writing, your last one is a gift, Haunted. Thank you. Hope to read more of you soon... Best from Bar
Uhm, just for the record, there's a whole book of Haunted Poetry you can find on amazon. Don't know this forum's policy re. ads for fellow writers' books, so suffice it to say that you only have to look for a certain Calyna Haunt: "unrequited". Yep, that's our LitNet h! Her book's a gem, like all of the poems in this thread. Just wanted to let you know…
"Im Arm der Liebe schliefen wir selig ein…" ("Liebesode" - Otto Erich Hartleben)
New poetry collection available (Kindle and paperback)
Will buy it. Thanks Dieter
For those who believe,
no explanation is necessary.
For those who do not,
none will suffice.
Auntie, YES glad you are too, NO I won't be... at least I'll try not to be. Really thrilled you found something good in there, thanks!
Bar, what a treat! Missed you and hope to see more of you here. Warm thoughts going your way.
tra la la D & Jer you guys just made my day! xoxoxoxoxo
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
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