Lapurzen

[Rabid Squirrilz]

a light shines in the tower up on high
a silent call to a waiting presence
a rope comes falling down
i take hold and scale the walls
a shining light my only guide
i climb for it alone
i crawl over the ledge
my heartbeat slows
i rise and look for my Lapurzen
i can’t see her though
there’s no one here at all
a sword flash alerts me to a silent presence
the sword slash takes my head
i feel it slice the bone
i watch my body join my head on the floor
a lover’s tryst gone horribly wrong
death by an invisible killer

[krymsonkyng]

"I'm sorry, your princess is in another castle".

[Rabid Squirrilz]

Nope, she's there. The evil witch keeping her captive immobilized her and then made her invisible too.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Vivid and graphic! The only reference I could Google to "Lapurzen" was to a Spanish site. Would you care later to define what it is?

There's an apparent incongruity or tautology in

i can’t see her though
there’s no one here at all

I.e., if there's no one there at all, isn't it redundant to say you can't see her? (Or vice versa)

[Rabid Squirrilz]

Yes Prince, I can see your point. Those lines are supposed to convey the fact that you can't sense her in any way. Even her spiritual presence is elusive. I could probably convey that better and simpler with one line. I will take that into heavy consideration upon revision. Thank you for the input.

And Laruzen is simply an anagram of Rapunzel; which was my inspiration for this piece.

[Hawkman]

Yes Prince, I can see your point. Those lines are supposed to convey the fact that you can't sense her in any way. Even her spiritual presence is elusive. I could probably convey that better and simpler with one line. I will take that into heavy consideration upon revision. Thank you for the input.

And Laruzen is simply an anagram of Rapunzel; which was my inspiration for this piece.

Where's the P? edit: oops sorry, just your typo caught me out. I see the poem has one. One should always take the time to P when one has to.

[krymsonkyng]

Lapurzen = Rapunzel