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Thread: Lapurzen

  1. #1
    Random Rambler
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    Lapurzen

    a light shines in the tower up on high
    a silent call to a waiting presence
    a rope comes falling down
    i take hold and scale the walls
    a shining light my only guide
    i climb for it alone
    i crawl over the ledge
    my heartbeat slows
    i rise and look for my Lapurzen
    i canít see her though
    thereís no one here at all
    a sword flash alerts me to a silent presence
    the sword slash takes my head
    i feel it slice the bone
    i watch my body join my head on the floor
    a loverís tryst gone horribly wrong
    death by an invisible killer

  2. #2
    "I'm sorry, your princess is in another castle".

  3. #3
    Random Rambler
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    Nope, she's there. The evil witch keeping her captive immobilized her and then made her invisible too.

  4. #4
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Vivid and graphic! The only reference I could Google to "Lapurzen" was to a Spanish site. Would you care later to define what it is?

    There's an apparent incongruity or tautology in

    i canít see her though
    thereís no one here at all



    I.e., if there's no one there at all, isn't it redundant to say you can't see her? (Or vice versa)

  5. #5
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    Yes Prince, I can see your point. Those lines are supposed to convey the fact that you can't sense her in any way. Even her spiritual presence is elusive. I could probably convey that better and simpler with one line. I will take that into heavy consideration upon revision. Thank you for the input.

    And Laruzen is simply an anagram of Rapunzel; which was my inspiration for this piece.

  6. #6
    The puddytat you saw Hawkman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rabid Squirrilz View Post
    Yes Prince, I can see your point. Those lines are supposed to convey the fact that you can't sense her in any way. Even her spiritual presence is elusive. I could probably convey that better and simpler with one line. I will take that into heavy consideration upon revision. Thank you for the input.

    And Laruzen is simply an anagram of Rapunzel; which was my inspiration for this piece.
    Where's the P? edit: oops sorry, just your typo caught me out. I see the poem has one. One should always take the time to P when one has to.
    Last edited by Hawkman; 06-09-2010 at 05:19 PM.
    Oh no, not again...

  7. #7
    Lapurzen = Rapunzel

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