07:10. Oh my God! I’m already twenty minutes late and our first meeting is somewhere the other side of Chelmsford. I hate that snooze button, I really do.
It’s already gone and cost me my bowl of muesli and a decent coffee. I’ve got no choice now. A couple of swigs of ‘Volvic’ and a cigarette.
I’ll just open this window a touch. Brian will be none the wiser. Just two quick drags to kick-start the neurons.
Ahh! There. That’s done.
Hang on. Better check the traffic news before I set off. Make sure the Dartford Tunnel isn’t shut again like it was last Friday.
How come everything migrates to the bottom of my bag the moment I need it.
Tissues. Hair brush. Oh, so that’s where I left my ‘Gym’ card.
And my eye-liner. Got it.
I can’t stand this ruddy song. Why do they play the same tosh over and over again?
MP3 player. If I can just reach. Yes. Here we are.
Guns ‘n’ Roses. That’s more like it. I should unpack my air guitar and share some riffs with Axl but unfortunately there’s more important things to do just at the minute.
Damn. I can hardly hold this compact steady enough to…..
There. One more little dab. Perfect.
Time for a banana I think….. just about. Then it’s….
Who the hell’s this?
“I know. You said so yesterday…..”
“Well, you know what’s best, and if…..”
“I could….. listen, darling. I’ve really got to put a spurt on. I’m already running late. Let me call you back.”
Flaming Kelly and her love life. Always rings me at the most inopportune moment.
Nearly knocked my water bottle over.
I should text Brian as well, while I remember. Get him to book that table for Saturday.
Right. Where was I?
Mm. Hello. He’s a hunk. And he’s giving me the eye…..
And, oh my God. he’s coming here. A cop, and it’s not even seven-thirty in the morning. It’s definitely me he’s coming across to see. Oh, no. Something awful must have happened. Is it Brian?
- - - - -
What a pompous little twerp. I mean, me? Littering?
Everybody who knows anything about the environment knows that banana skins and cigarette stubs are biodegradable. I told him, but he wasn’t having any of it.
You’d think he’d have better things to do with his time.
And as for “driving without due care and attention”!
The nerve of the guy.
- - - - -
[and if you think I’m being a little unrealistic, check this out :