Buying through this banner helps support the forum!
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 31 to 41 of 41

Thread: Why monogamy??

  1. #31
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    553
    Quote Originally Posted by Cunninglinguist View Post
    I kind of feel like Hegel now, leaving the reader to make any meaning out of my words.
    Haha that's an interesting comparison. I have read summaries of Hegel and reacted the very same way I did to your comment I think he says some great things but phrases them them in an undefined, weird way.

    I'm not saying my way of expressing it is better, to many people, your comment is probably much easier to understand than mine, because these metaphores or concepts are commonly used (another example would be 'soul') and people think in terms of them. They should be questioned though, as should any other concepts and ideas, that's why I insist on describing things rationally and 'scientifically'.

    I have the same problem with most of philosophy actually (definitely everything before Darwin). Plato for example also said a lot of good things, but his imagination was ridden with wrong concepts such as 'ideas' or 'essences'. Then there are those like Heidegger that I can't even read, because all they do is use obscure terminology all the time, trying to sound smart.. Or maybe I'm just too stupid to get it..

  2. #32
    My angel flies Indyben's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,130
    Blog Entries
    5
    I am 17 years old-and I have a strong belief in monogamy. I would never cheat on my girlfriend because I love her more than anything. That's all monogamy is. A display of the unconditional love one human being has for another.

  3. #33
    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Sheffield, South Yorks, England. Tha knows.
    Posts
    4,831
    Blog Entries
    7
    You can argue black's white, but monogamy suits some people, myself included. I don't look upon my wife as a "possession", but as being the companion I chose to go through life with. It's all very well to quote Socrates (who was hardly a paragon of virtue, therefore irrelevant), but I'm prepared to take a bet that if anybody has ever entered into marriage and found out that their partner is playing the field, they will be EXTREMELY unhappy. Moral: try not to make the person you PROMISED to take on for life unhappy.
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

  4. #34
    My angel flies Indyben's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,130
    Blog Entries
    5
    I think that most of the inconceptions about the morality/philosophy of monogamy comes from the belief that it condones people as "possessions"

    A person can not materially "own" another person. But I can say that my girl does own me one way or another but I have willingly given myself to her. I'm not her possession, I'm her partner and therefore she owns me, because I gave myself to her.

  5. #35
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    work, work, work
    Posts
    3,308
    Blog Entries
    151
    Why stay married if you are miserable? Is this what we are really talking about?

    Two incomes is better than one, health care, a house...

    You lose a lot if you cheat, get caught, and divorce.

    Is it really worth it for a roll in the hay? Nay I say!

  6. #36
    Circumcised Welder El Viejo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    176
    Blog Entries
    7
    Everything can be used as a tool or a weapon. Monogamy is generally perceived as a beautiful thing, a commitment of two souls to one another, a bastion against life's storms. It can also be a trap, a form of enslavement. The former springs from the heart, for lack of a better term, and the latter is effected by the rules and regulations that have sprung up around the idea. Historically monogamy has been closer to the latter. Marriages were arranged, women and dowries bartered, wives were chattel. Marriage cemented alliances and ensured, to an extent, that a man was not raising some other man's children. I expect the hearts and flowers view is a relatively recent development. I like it better, myself.

    I'm monogamous because it's a good way, as one writer here said, to manage jealousy. I could be ok with having a harem, but not with being part of one. Not a fair or balanced attitude.

    Quote Originally Posted by jersea View Post
    Why stay married if you are miserable? Is this what we are really talking about?

    Two incomes is better than one, health care, a house...

    You lose a lot if you cheat, get caught, and divorce.

    Is it really worth it for a roll in the hay? Nay I say!
    Two words. Stolen watermelon.

    We're designed to be able to carry on should we lose our partner, and the mechanism doesn't shut down just because we're in a relationship.

    Suppose someone who raises your pulse gave you the eye, and you had the opportunity, and were pretty sure you wouldn't get caught, what would you do?

    Probably stick to your principals.

    But suppose it's a co-worker? It's going to happen again. Then again. And again.

    It'll take more than resolve and commitment. You're going to need to manage your interactions (i.e. limit them), and maybe involve your spouse (e.g. don't attend the Christmas party alone).

  7. #37
    Registered User Romantique's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Tunisia
    Posts
    4

    about monogamy

    In my country a song says, 'I can't love two persons because I don't have two hearts.' So I agree with everything you said.

  8. #38
    Metamorphosing Pensive's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Neverland
    Posts
    10,600
    I feel it's all about emotional attachment and most of all commitment.
    I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew.

  9. #39
    BadWoolf JuniperWoolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    The North
    Posts
    4,433
    Blog Entries
    28
    I do consider myself pretty open minded in the realm of relationship make-up, but I’ll be honest: all of the talk in this thread about "possession" and "conquest" and "image" does make me feel kind of ill. If your partner is very uncomfortable with the idea of you having a physical relationship with someone else, then what's wrong with just not sleeping around because you care about your partner and don't want them to suffer? Some people don’t mind, and that’s okay for them (like when we had the girl on the “personal and anonymous” thread who was in a relationship with two men and they were all okay with the situation, that’s fine because they all know the terms and accept it). If you like someone, then you don’t want them to feel bad. If having sex with another person will make them feel bad, then you should feel guilt at the idea of doing so (and if you don’t, then I don’t see how you could love your partner).

    You've got to be honest with yourself and each other in order for this to work though, and accept the fact that both of you are going to be attracted to other people, and you're also both going to admire other people on an intellectual and emotional level. I think it's a good idea to be cool with that. Dave and I half-jokingly check out other people together all the time, and we think it‘s fun. It‘s also honest. If you get jealous every time your mate's jaw drops at someone else, and you expect their sexuality and admiration towards other human beings to just switch off now that they're with you, you're both going to have a bad time.

    Quote Originally Posted by El Viejo View Post
    But suppose it's a co-worker? It's going to happen again. Then again. And again.
    Aww, it doesn’t have to. I’ve had coworkers that I had crushes on and been alone with a lot (working at the ol‘ video store), and it’s fun to play that little flirtation game of tag, but I’ve never attacked them like an animal in heat.
    __________________
    "Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So once when I was six, I did. At first the brightness was overwhelming, but I had seen that before. I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink, and then the brightness began to dissolve. My pupils shrunk to pinholes and everything came into focus and for a moment I understood. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal."
    -Pi


  10. #40
    Wolf Revolte's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    The Valley, California
    Posts
    919
    Blog Entries
    6
    Quote Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf View Post

    You've got to be honest with yourself and each other in order for this to work though, and accept the fact that both of you are going to be attracted to other people, and you're also both going to admire other people on an intellectual and emotional level. I think it's a good idea to be cool with that. Dave and I half-jokingly check out other people together all the time, and we think its fun. Its also honest. If you get jealous every time your mate's jaw drops at someone else, and you expect their sexuality and admiration towards other human beings to just switch off now that they're with you, you're both going to have a bad time.

    says it all.
    "We are animals with problems that no other animal has." - Radam J. Starkiller

  11. #41
    Circumcised Welder El Viejo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    176
    Blog Entries
    7
    Quote Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf View Post
    Aww, it doesnt have to. Ive had coworkers that I had crushes on and been alone with a lot (working at the ol video store), and its fun to play that little flirtation game of tag, but Ive never attacked them like an animal in heat.
    To paraphrase Billy Crystal, generally speaking women need a reason to have sex whereas men merely need an opportunity.

    Speaking personally, I'm too old to give a rodent's behind anymore. But not so long ago I was somewhere in between. I could resist, but could probably be worn down.

    If you're a man and an exception to the generality, lucky you.
    Last edited by El Viejo; 07-24-2010 at 10:44 PM.

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •