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Thread: Canary Monologue

  1. #1
    chercheur ~Sophia~'s Avatar
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    Canary Monologue

    Canary Monologue

    I often have time away from your hands
    to sit by the brook and babble to stones
    looking back at me with dispassionate
    curiosity.

    Today the trickle is rather dull.
    A stagnating conversation of small
    sonar pings between pebbles

    pale as the song of this meadow
    caught in my throat. Muse, take me
    with you when you drift past

    ordinary. Show me legends stacked like
    firefly colonies thick as the labyrinth above -
    black as the graphite that weaves between

    green rain and grenades, the erotic left and
    the benign right - to where the canto shimmies
    and even a bird with weak wings
    can pierce the sky.

  2. #2
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Lovely final two lines to such a fluent, free-flowing poem!

  3. #3
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    Sophia, you are just knocking me off my feet. As I was reading the first few stanzas, I thought nice, but ok. And then the final two stanzas are just breath taking.

    ...Show me legends stacked like
    firefly colonies thick as the labyrinth above -
    black as the graphite that weaves between

    green rain and grenades, the erotic left and
    the benign right - to where the canto shimmies
    and even a bird with weak wings
    can pierce the sky.
    Can you teach me how to write like that? I mean wow.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

  4. #4
    chercheur ~Sophia~'s Avatar
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    Thanks PrinceMyshkin!

    ______________________________

    Hi Virgil I hardly think you need writing lessons from me!

    The beginning of the poem was meant to be just sort of so so, like the babble of the brook while the N is waiting for inspiration from a muse so, I think it works! You had the reaction I was hoping for!

  5. #5
    Ruadh gu brath ampoule's Avatar
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    Oh kiddo, thanks for letting me 'drift past ordinary' with you in this beautiful beautiful poem.
    I'm in love with The Vinegar Man and Mr. Tanner, but be careful, it could just as easily be you.

    "If you're going to write you better have somewhere to come from." Flannery O'Connor

  6. #6
    chercheur ~Sophia~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ampoule View Post
    Oh kiddo, thanks for letting me 'drift past ordinary' with you in this beautiful beautiful poem.
    Anytime ampoule and thank you!!!

  7. #7
    Sipping the Tea a_little_wisp's Avatar
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    Muse, take me
    with you when you drift past

    ordinary. Show me legends stacked like
    firefly colonies thick as the labyrinth above -
    black as the graphite that weaves between

    green rain and grenades, the erotic left and
    the benign right - to where the canto shimmies
    and even a bird with weak wings
    can pierce the sky.
    Invocation of the Muse!-
    No need to invoke her, she clearly gives it to you freely.

    "Green rain and grenades"
    "Erotic left and benign right"

    The way the language built up to ending - "and even the bird with weak wings can pierce the sky" - gave me the chills. Good ones. <3
    Then she would run until morning to ease the ache; swifter than rain, swift as loss, racing to catch up with the time when she had known nothing at all but the sweetness of being herself.

    -- Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn

  8. #8
    chercheur ~Sophia~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by a_little_wisp View Post

    Invocation of the Muse!-
    No need to invoke her, she clearly gives it to you freely.
    LOL, I wish! Most times I have to bribe her with a glass (or two) of a nice red wine. Thanks wispy!!

  9. #9
    All are at the crossroads qimissung's Avatar
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    Wow oh wow, ~sophia~ Virgil is so right. I like all of it, but the last two are something special.
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai
    "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka

  10. #10
    chercheur ~Sophia~'s Avatar
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    Hi qim and thanks!

  11. #11
    My gosh, this piece is lovely.

    babble to stones
    looking back at me with dispassionate
    curiosity.
    Love these lines.
    My poetry ~ Thinking Cities

  12. #12
    chercheur ~Sophia~'s Avatar
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    Thanks thinkingsam!

  13. #13
    Wild is the Wind Silas Thorne's Avatar
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    Wow! I liked the whole thing. And when you drift past the ordinary, you really drift into the sublime.

  14. #14
    chercheur ~Sophia~'s Avatar
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    Thank you Silas. (reaching through the screen with a big hug)

  15. #15
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
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    Yes, everything they said.

    Your images are beyond breathtaking.

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