Divorce

[The Comedian]

How has Divorce affected you? My parents divorced about 10 years ago. I'll post my thoughts here after a while when I have more time to do so.

[BienvenuJDC]

Ultimately my wife's parents divorce has effected outlooks in my marriage, but it hasn't directly impacted me. I'll share more as the discussion goes on.

[papayahed]

My parents have been divorced ever since I can remember. I can't tell you the effect because it's always been.

[OrphanPip]

My parents are still together, although sometimes I think they'd be better off divorced.

[JuniperWoolf]

My parents got divorced when I was in the sixth grade, and it went really well for me because I had two houses. I could always tell one that I was over at the other's when I didn't want them to actually know where I was. Also, my mom is pretty difficult to deal with. We (my brother and I) lived with her most of the time because she wanted us to, but whenever she'd get too much for me (she's pretty overbearing) I'd go over to my dad's where things are always nice and calm.

My parents fought all the time when they were married. Their personalities are so different, my mother is quite loud and in-your-face whereas my dad is quiet and sort of shy but tends to stress out over little things. When they split, everyone's lives became a lot easier. They didn't fight anymore. They didn't even go to court, they just decided that Rylen and I could go see our dad whenever we wanted to (he literally lives less than ten houses away from her) and dad would give mom $800/month until we came of age. They still even kinda love each other (in a very different way than romantically). For example, when my dad got into a very serious motorcycle accident that broke both of his femur bones and very nearly killed him, mom was the first one at the hospital (which is two hours away) and she didn't leave his side for weeks.

So that's my happy divorce story. Here's my sad one.

My dad re-married. God, that was a mistake. My dad is shy, and it's easy to take advantage of him. Overbearing, manipulative women are attracted to him. One of these was Louise. She was a woman from England, and she wanted kids. When she met my dad, she discovered that it was easy to get him to do what she wanted, so she made him marry her. My dad did not want any more babies. I was sixteen and Rylen was eleven, he didn't want anymore kids. They REALLY should have spoken about this BEFORE they got married, but they rushed into things. Lou thought she could change my dad's mind, but he wouldn't budge on the subject. Naturally, Lou did what any decent person would do if they were having a disagreement with their spouse: she publicly cheated on him, than took off back to England once the divorce was finalized.

So that messed my dad up A LOT. He was very depressed for an entire year, he didn't even hang out with his friends or play hockey. He was pretty hard on me too for a while, because he was so unhappy. He got over it though, and he's a lot better now.

[motherhubbard]

When I hear that someone is going through a divorce it makes me cry. I have not been divorced, but most of the people I went to school with have been. Also, several family members are divorced. I think it would be easier for one of the couple do die instead of leave.

[Aravona]

My parents got divourced when I was about 13 (year 9) and I knew exactly what was going on. Me and my sister stayed with my dad and now I live with him and his partner, because I can't afford a place right now. My mum re-married and everythings pretty ok.

[MarkBastable]

I think it would be easier for one of the couple to die instead of leave.

I'll suggest that to the wife.

[JuniperWoolf]

I think it would be easier for one of the couple do die instead of leave.

Easier on whom?

[motherhubbard]

Easier on whom?

The spouse who is built his/her entire life and future on a foundation that no longer exists. The children who wonder what they did, could have done, or why the parent didn’t love them enough to stay and make things work. Forever the family is broken. Joint custody means working out every weekend, every holiday, birthday, wedding, family reunion… And even if people don’t want to admit it, guilt and fear affecting how the children are parented. It is hard on the grown up, and it is hard on the children.

I think there are situations that people should leave, like abuse. But, I also think that most of these situations could be prevented if people were more careful about who they married.

[Niamh]

I'll suggest that to the wife.

Mark! Shame on you!

My sister and her husband have been separated for over two years now. you have to be legally separated four years before you can divorce over here. They were together fourteen years, married seven and he went off and had an affair with a woman ten years his junior. They have two kids and i think the eldest has taken it badly. He's a very sensitive kid.

[TheFifthElement]

Divorce made it possible for me to marry my husband, so on the whole I'd have to say it had a pretty positive effect on my life.

[Lokasenna]

To a large degree it depends upon the nature of the divorce. One of my best friend's parents divorced when he was five, but the seperation was completely amicable, and it didn't do him much harm. Both parents are remarried, and he gets on well with them, particularly his step-father; if anything, he's closer to him than his actual father. He's also been a great brother to the children his mother has had by her new husband. All in all, its been alright.

That said, I do know couples who have had a very nasty divorce, and frequently the children have been caught up in the mix of it, with unpleasent consequences.

[MarkBastable]

The spouse who is built his/her entire life and future on a foundation that no longer exists. The children who wonder what they did, could have done, or why the parent didn’t love them enough to stay and make things work. Forever the family is broken. Joint custody means working out every weekend, every holiday, birthday, wedding, family reunion… And even if people don’t want to admit it, guilt and fear affecting how the children are parented. It is hard on the grown up, and it is hard on the children.

All this is often - though not always - true. However, the choice is not that or loveliness. It's that or some other kind of hell. Generally, I think that the hell of unhappy people staying together is worse than the hell of unhappy people disentangling themselves.

But, I also think that most of these situations could be prevented if people were more careful about who they married.

Well, yeah. We need a system for that. Oh! How about living together for four or five years?

Then again, splitting up is always horrible, married or not. I guess we all walk down the aisle hoping that death will destroy our marriage before life does.

[MANICHAEAN]

My wife, to whom I am still legally married, I have been separated from for the last 20 years. I still support her, and in a way am still fond of her, but the marriage was a mistake & when the trust went, so did any chance of reconciliation.
Then I met my Filipina common in law wife (whose husband just upped & left her with 3 sons & 1 daughter) to start another family in Manila with a younger wife. So all of a sudden I became Dad to three grown up kids & am also now lolo (grandad) to 7 great grandkids.

Marriage is always a risk, especially when you are young & do not realise what it entails. I suppose I was lucky. It took nearly a lifetime to cross the road & meet the right woman. So many divorcees (both sexes), get bitter & dive prematurely into another relationship without properly looking at what went wrong with the previous one.

Did not Hemingway have a succession of wives? Inspiration or just difficult to live with?