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Thread: Sarah Palin hires a winkologist!

  1. #1
    Tasty word gristle!
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    Sarah Palin hires a winkologist!

    Sarah is listening to the Siren song of power. It liltingly whispers;

    Sarah! You could be president! The people that vote really are gullible enough to believe that you can fix what's wrong. By the time they figure out that you can't even fix a Moose Burger without burning it, it will be too late! Your term as president will be up and you will be added to the Pantheon of ex-presidents.

    Not to mention make a fortune selling access to those that have political power and influence in Washington.


    She's humming along and tapping her toes to the rising beat of her heart. She thinks it's a catchy tune. As always, the thought of being the most powerful person on the planet have made her moist.

    She has been working on her wink for months now. Knowing that this was the key to victory. This knowledge based on all of the things in life that she wanted that her magical wink had made attained for her.

    Starting with that passing grade in high school from the geography teacher. He thought that her wink meant he'd have a night of sex with her for not flunking her.

    Culminating with "The wink seen 'round the world" during the Republican National Convention. Where she winked her way into the hearts of every right wing frothy fringer jn America during her acceptance speech after McCain nominated her to be his V.P.

    Knowing that she had to be at the top of her wink game to win the presidency, Sarah has been setting aside two hours a day as "wink time" to hone her wink skill sets. So that by 2011, when the campaign for the next presidential election heats up, she'll have a world class wink, capable of convincingly "implying" (without saying) what ever the person that she is winking at wants it to mean.

    She has even hired a personal trainer, wink specialist Candy Wanda Trixie. But her friends, associates, acquaintances, and late night assignations just call her; "Sweet Thang"

    I interviewed Ms. Trixie several days ago. She was unabashedly bold in her assertion that Palin was a natural born winker.

    "What she has already accomplished with her untrained wink is nothing short of phenomenal. There wasn't a man at that convention that wouldn't have handed over every dollar, and maxed out every credit card in his wallet just for a few minutes alone with that gal. I'm not easily impressed, but when I saw the immediate reaction of every man that was there to her world-wide wink I said to myself; 'That there little woman is a comer for sure!' With that one wink she not only conveyed to every man that saw it that she knew what they wanted, and needed from her, she conveyed convincingly that she was the woman that could satisfy thoses needs." Said Trixie.

    All of this was taking place as she was slowly leaning closer and closer to where I was sitting. While at the same time slowly lowering her gaze to what I initially thought was the note pad in my lap.

    Then, she softly said as she quickly looked up from my notepad; "There are very few women that can meet the many, complex needs of so many different men. Don't you agree?"

    Then she added; "And please call me Candy from now on. Ms.Trixie sounds so strait-laced, buttoned down, and formal. I would much rather have a very friendly, very informal, very discreet, speed-dial kind of quid pro quo, keep it on the down low, "tell me where it hurts, and I'll kiss it and make it better" sort of an arrangment. Wouldn't you?"

    I was lost in thought for a few moments as I pondered the image laden implications of her last statment. Shaking those off, I steered the conversation back to Palin's putting such high hopes on a physical gesture. Asking Trix...Err...I mean, Candy if a wink could win Palin the presidency.

    Candy's response was; "When I get done perfecting Sarah's winking skills that woman is going to have a wink so powerful the United Nations will classify it as a; Weapon of Mass Destruction. Oh yeah! Sarah is going to be The Bomb!"

    Ironically, Candy's reputation as the preeminent winker in North America was legitimately earned practicing an illegitimate trade. None the less! In less than a year Candy winked her way up from a $20.00 dollars a trick street corner prostitute, to an $800.00 dollars an hour paid "consultant" lobbyist for the International Lollipop Consortium. Candy says that the two jobs are very similar, in that at the heart of both industries are suckers. But that the perks in her new position, or, positions is much better.

    Going on to say that Sarah, just like her, has what it takes to go from her current "Do it like this. Do it like that. That's it! Vote my way and like it! Who's your lobbyists? " low end political power reality, right on up to the top of the political heap. Where she only has to "take it" like that from the big boys.

    Candy ended her last statement with the words of her own personal mantra for a better life; "The view from the top, even if you're on the bottom, is much better than the view from the bottom, even if your on top."

    "I've actually got Sarah working on three different winks. Each designed for a specific outcome." Candy said.

    Going on to say that the first wink is an: "I've convincingly implied what you want to believe. But I have complete deniability when I screw you over- You've been worked!-wink."

    Candy then very slowly crossed her legs. Which made her already extremely short mini skirt ride so far up her thigh that I momentarialy lost my train of thought, and was forced to scan my notes for a clue as to what my next question should be.

    Then she uncrossed them again. Even slower than she had the first time. As I saw the first brief flash of pink. I remember thinking; "I wonder if she knows that I can see her panties?." Then, quickly realized that she wasn't wearing any! Where upon, I lost my pen, notes, and composure. Not necessarily in that order.

    When I looked up I saw that Candy was smiling. She had just shown me proof that her treatise on "Winkology" as I will call it for lack of a better word, was just a subset principle of a far greater power and control advancment paradigm.

    Why continue to waste time explaining to me the dynamics of the power to control individuals, and masses by mastering the nuances of suggestive physical gestures? When all she had to do to make my understanding complete was hotwire my reality by slowly crossing, and un-crossing her legs which immediately drove my thought process straight to Candy Land!

    Then Candy continued; "The second one is going to be her main stay, day to day working wink. A sort of; "Oh yeah! We can, and will do it just like that! As soon as you give me what I've told you it will cost." It's a smoldering, come hither, all transactions are paid in full-In advance wink, with a dash of licked lips wanton thrown in to close the deal.

    Going on to say; "The third wink is for private, personal moments. Sarah can't use this wink until she has attained the power necessary to make the implications that what the wink is implying real." Said Candy. For lack of a better name, and to personalize it as Sarah's "signature" wink, we'll call it the; "I don't give a hoot if you're happily married. If you don't lose them pants and let that trophy sized trouser trout have at my bait box, I'll have you fired from the Secret Service for trying to do just that anyway." It's an; "Obey your Commander in Chief. Or else!" wild eyed, "I want it! And I want it now!" wink that is only to be used on those that you have complete, and total power over.

    Candy has promised Sarah that by the time that campaigning is in full swing, her patented "WINK" will imply 10 times more than it did during the last election. Without any downside to her; "Plausible/Impliable/Deniable" factor.

    "Doors opening, or zippers coming down, it's all the same." Said Candy with a knowing smirk, and a wink that gave me a woody.

  2. #2
    Jethro BienvenuJDC's Avatar
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    Check the Terms of Service about Political discussion...
    It is not allowed here.
    Les Miserables,
    Volume 1, Fifth Book, Chapter 3
    Remember this, my friends: there are no such things as bad plants or bad men. There are only bad cultivators.

  3. #3
    Tasty word gristle!
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    Four score and seven winks ago/I regret that I have but one wink to give for my count

    I'm all for not having political discussions either. It just leads to petty, mean spirited people posting brusque, surly comments directed at others in an attempt to suck all of the joy out of some one's universe.

    But it is a bigger universe than any single person's suck-ability skill sets can conquer. I find comfort in that thought. It gives me hope. Hope that someday that post Nazis, like birds, will be able to "fly over the rainbow" of their rabid, frothy discontent without crappin' all over the Leprechauns.

    Yes.. post Nazis need lovin' too. But please! Don't ask! Don't tell! And keep me out of it!

    I'm just glad that we still live in a world where we can still talk about post Nazis. I mean, we can still do that right? I mean, who in the hell is gonna get worked up about that?

    Wait...Oh my God! I just remembered that the "Nazis" were a political party. That means that we can't discuss the pros and cons of their day to day.

    But we can still make fun of them.

    And isn't that enough?

    This is a textual cartoon script, over the top, satire. Not one word of ideological hoo-ya is to be found in this story.

    Yes, she WAS a politician. But she quit that gig a while back. Now she's a pundit.

    It is a story about her wink. A wink is neither liberal, or conservitive in nature.

    Also; This story, besides being 100% undiluted fiction, was also a narrative. Nothing was discussed by anyone. Political, or otherwise.

    But I thank you for your well intentioned, charging from the gate, bayonet the wounded misinterpretation of the whole deal. It shows me that you care. You really care!

  4. #4
    Jethro BienvenuJDC's Avatar
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    Sure...whatever...
    Les Miserables,
    Volume 1, Fifth Book, Chapter 3
    Remember this, my friends: there are no such things as bad plants or bad men. There are only bad cultivators.

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