Only a few strokes left
till I crawl ashore
and leave behind this sea of gods
who sound and porpoise at my side
I see that beach now, gold sands
I scent the earth that calls me home
Though I flail, withhold your touch
and with it cruel eternity
Let me find my own peace
Do not touch my reason now
Leave me my small vanity
Let me rest a while
Last edited by hack; 02-16-2010 at 03:20 PM. Reason: change capitalization
"Remember, we are all in this alone." - Lilly Tomlin
I like the last lines of your poem
“Those who seek to satisfy the mind of man by hampering it with ceremonies and music and affecting charity and devotion have lost their original nature””
“If water derives lucidity from stillness, how much more the faculties of the mind! The mind of the sage, being in repose, becomes the mirror of the universe, the speculum of all creation.
Is that Adapa returning from Gods' feast, deceived? seeking rest, before the rest eternal? oh, Oannes, now sitting with the apkal (the wise), devoted to transmitting men your wisdom... ah, why did you obey your father...Originally Posted by hack
What is especially fine about this is the way the first two stanzas appear to be building to a triumph - which collapses in that naked, helpless last stanza!
Though I flail, withhold your touch
and with it cruel eternity
These lines, for me sums up the irony of religion (for me Christianity).
The last stanza moved me. The idea of requesting peace on one's own terms, while acknowledging a great experience, for me, summarizes what one's dignity means. To recognize it as a vanity, brings it to a whole new level, granting one personal choice or some sort of control over one's existence in the face of this great struggle called life/death.
Please forgive me for being too overly analytical, I just cann't help myself.
Wow, hack, I love how strong and courageous the first stanza is--a yelp of triumph, an exasperated "here I am" in contrast to the last breathless sigh, admitting a need to be alone, the dignified "leave me be" to wrap the poem up in a great, hovering loss that was masked so beautifully in the first few lines...
Greatness!
love
Kate
"real
loneliness
is not
necessarily
limited to
when
you are
alone"
-C. Bukowski
Though I flail, withhold your touch
and with it cruel eternity
this one line gives me a beautiful image of the trials that come with thought. though we are a communal species in times of great contemplation and enormous trial it is best to stand alone in our agony. elegantly composed, moving, and thought provoking. well done sir!
A Darwinian love poem! I think it's wonderful and primary. If I were asked, I would have to say the last verse is my favorite but, I'm very relieved no one is asking me to choose!
Last edited by ~Sophia~; 02-13-2010 at 06:52 PM.
Masterful.
Beautiful and powerful imagery that can evoke so many different interpretations.
At first glance I saw a hero of Greece struggling, spared by Poseidon, and being welcomed to shore to receive his 'reward' by other Olympians to share in their vain glory of being gods.
Upon reading the comments I'm cast upon other 'shores' in a tempest of association: one of Adapa the fisherman, one of the Islas Galápagos which influenced Darwin heavily on his voyage around the world; then back to the shores of Greece as the Christian faith confronts the ethos of polytheism and so called intellectualism of man; to the shores of Lake Silvaplana where Nietzsche elaborated upon the idea of an eternal return that seems to mock men into thinking of life as vanity altogether; and lastly, gently, tossed to the shores of living waters: the scriptures of Ecclesiastes whose writer declared all earthly things as vanity (an aside from my faith lds.org/manuals/old-testament-seminary-student-study-guide), and Isaiah, and other books of the living faith.
Thank you for the wild ride !
tailor
who am I but a stitch in time
what if I were to bare my soul
would you see me origami
7-8-2015
Masterful poem indeed, if I may repeat Taylor, and myself.
Just a word, hopefully with your permission, hack: Adapa, the fish-man, also the prototype of man, lost his right to immortality deceived by his father. Which always makes me muse: and if this right were not lost forever...
The Book of Salomon (Ecclesiastes): the actual Hebrew word, roughly translated as "vanity" is hevel, primarily meaning "breath" and "breath of life". This too opens a new vistas on the interpretation of the whole book.
Preceding the biblical Book of Ecclesiastes by some two millennia, Sumerian proverbs conveyed many similar concepts and sayings.
"If we are doomed to die - let us spend; if we shall live long - let us save."
"When a poor man dies, do not try to revive him."
"He who possesses much silver, may be happy; he who possesses much barley, may be happy; but who has nothing at all, can sleep." or
"It is not the heart which leads to enmity; it is the tongue which leads to enmity."
Was there ever any real beginning? Especially if all is return...
but:
"... leave me my small vanity
let me rest a while"
is definitely ŕ propos among so many questions and in shouting absence of answers.
"Perhaps you made me, but let me have something of my own..."
Whatever it's saying, it's wonderfully mysterious, while opening vistas.
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
"Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka
Since everyone got here before me all I can really do is echo the praise. This is as poignant a short, 3 stanza poem as I've ever read and there seems to be too many breathtaking moments and lines for such a brief piece. The only other thing I have to say even semi-negatively is that this line confused me: "who sound and porpoise at my side"
I assume the "porpoise" is a pun on purpose? I think "Who sound" is the most confusing part...
"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." --Carl Gustav Jung
"To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due." --Neil Gaiman; The Sandman Vol. 4: Season of Mists
"I'm on my way, from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" --The Proclaimers
@ MorpheusSandman
porpoise (verb): to move as a porpoise
sound (verb): make noise/sounds
porpoise/purpose ? another interesting nuance
tailor
who am I but a stitch in time
what if I were to bare my soul
would you see me origami
7-8-2015
Thank you Blaze.
Bar, as you know the gods of Sumer, old as they are, are echos of older gods and tales, and live on in religions that are familiar today. We keep some of our oldest stories close through the millennia, often with little or no knowledge of their lineage. Many of the Sumerian origin tales were old when they were committed to clay.
My Prince, thank you for your reads and inspiration.
And Jersea; It is a common complaint of agnostics, having spent our lives in ignorance, are we so proud of it, that at the end, would we would pass up a chance to know?
Thank you Kate, I am glad that it spoke to you.
And thank you Peaches and Sofia, you are too kind.
Tailor; Cousin, Leander was inspiration, but as Bar has hinted we have discussed Sumerian gods and tales. So many gods inhabit our lives, whether we believe in them or not. The ones we know, in some small way, and choose not to believe in are perhaps most important to who we are.
Tailor and Bar: Your comments on Ecclesiastes are particularly salient, in my view.
Bar, the Sumerian proverbs are wonderful and remind us that there is nothing new under the sun.
Thank you Qim, I think you have laid your finger on it.
MS, Thank you for your comments. "Sound and porpoise" was meant to indicate, as Tailor alluded, the kind of playful movement, through the water, that dolphins exhibit.
"Sounding" as to measure depth (it is a somewhat archaic use) for diving, and porpoise, to break the waters surface. "Who sound" is a little awkward and, I think, could have been clearer had I not capatalized "Sea of Gods".
Thank you all for your kindnesses, you help me to keep trying...Peace...
"Remember, we are all in this alone." - Lilly Tomlin
Tha final stanza is my favorite. A very powerful short poem. I cannot add much to what has already been said.
This seemed very appropriate after Prince's poem of the sea.
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